Title: The Problem with Avocados

acast Time: 1:07:59
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: June 16, 2021
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
He’s got a bit of a cold. It’s not Covid… probably. He could be the new Covid Mary.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lovely South London Theatre Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the audience of champions who’ve straight out of the gate, they’re not scared of Covid. They’ve come to see this show.

Guest Best Known
For his two appearances on The Dan and Dusty Show.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Unnamed advised that having a testicle removed was like having a Screwball in one’s pants
Unnamed in the front row
supposed that people had access to perfume during the Tudor period

Emergency Questions

Would you rather be Prince William or Prince Harry?

Well, I would prefer to be Prince Harry because he can come back. He can come back. It’s like Robbie and Take That; he can do the odd tour, can’t he? They’ll always have him back. If he just wants to bank a few more anecdotes, you know? It’s good for the family, it’s good for him, get him on the balcony for a couple of years, then he’ll piss off again. But William, William, I don’t think he can ever do that, you know. But he also bears the hallmarks of that, that responsibility of the first-born child as well. You know, you’re just always trying to stay close to your parents. I think, I think Harry… I don’t think, like… Harry’s got more interest in phases left in his life, whereas William’s got to kind of walk this, this sort of narrow, righteous path. I think he could become unstuck as well.

Would you rather be the first person on Mars (and have life support and food but no means of getting home) or have everyone know that you were the person who was the dancing hand on the Eurovision Song Contest?

I think The Phantom Menace was an alright film, you know. There you go. You think of the controversial things I’ve said and in nerd world they’re, like, “Cancelled.” I think it stands up. So in that context I would happily be the guy that played – Not happily. *RH notes the fame that would come with being the first person on Mars.* Who could you show off to about it? You would show off on a Zoom call with a seventeen minute delay. *RH mentions the long-term renown for being the first person on Mars.* But I’d be dead. What, I’d just be sitting on Mars, just cracking one out to the idea of my future notoriety? This legacy’s going to be sticky, let me tell you. Sticky was a bad word, wasn’t it? In that context.

Would you rather have a sense of smell that could travel in time (i.e., you could smell any environment from the past or future, but not something specific; you would – your sense of smell would travel in time, but nothing else would) or have a free pineapple delivered to your door every day for the rest of your life (and that will be delivered at 7:00am wherever you are in the world and the people won’t wake you up; it will just be left outside your door), but there will be a fresh pineapple waiting for you wherever you are?

Well, my nose can travel forward in time. But that would be really frustrating, wouldn’t it? Because I wouldn’t be able to contextualize some of the smells. *RH states that he believes smell to be his weakest sense.* But it’s the most evocative though. It doesn’t change. Like, you smell freshly-cut grass, you’re right back to being a five year-old whatever. But it would be a weird oracle, wouldn’t it? You could just say, “I’ve travelled to the future.” “And what do you know, Geoff?” “Smells quite metallic, I don’t know why. So work around that. Get the boffins working on that. It smells quite metallic.” I just want to smell general people. I reckon they absolutely reeked. You get that impression, don’t you, from the films? The films. I reckon, I just want to know on what level they stank. Yeah, I’d just smell Henry VIII; what did he smell like? Bit gouty, I reckon. Bit gouty. Did they have aftershave then? I don’t even know. I know for a fact, this audience, someone knows. Do you know if they had aftershave in Tudor times? Was it Tudor times? I doubted myself then. You’re all clever people. This is what imposter syndrome feels like. Do you know what I’d like to see though? Do you know those old paintings where they’ve all got weird, puffy faces? I just would love it if that’s just exactly how they looked. We’ve always presumed that that was just an impressionistic thing, but we don’t have any photos. They all had just really weird, bloated faces. I don’t know if my nose could pick that out. Would my nose be travelling disembodied through time? Because that would be weird for them as well. Because then, in a Back to the Future way, they’d come back to the present and everyone would be worshipping a giant nostril.


Recorded at the Clapham Grand in South London. Due to COVID-19/coronavirus the audience was socially-distanced.

This is GN’s second appearance.

RH is wearing the same suit that he wore at the last live recording, approximately 14 months earlier.

When GN admitted to not having seen the dancing hand on  the Eurovision Song Contest, RH revised the emergency question to having everyone know that he’d played the Star Wars character Jar Jar Binks.