Title: Watching Brian May Have Sex

acast Time: 1:11:49
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: July 14, 2021
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who has one fan in Angola.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Loose Spiders and Tarantulas Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging out with Logan Paul and Floyd Mayweather the other day. This was topical at the time of recording. And after twenty minutes of staring at each other intensely and lightly kissing, one of them broke off finally. They call it…

Guest Best Known
As the host of Beat the Internet.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Would you rather be able to fart the Blockbusters theme tune or own a cat?

*In reference to the Blockbusters theme tune:* I’m not far off, to be honest. Especially after this Neck Oil. I did one that sounded list the Last Post. Oh, own a cat! Oh. Yeah. I’d love to own a cat but I live by a road and I would – And I’m away but maybe I will. I’m just absolutely [unclear]. *RH tells story of his cat Lion-O dying.* Yeah, I witnessed the death of my cat […] being run over on the A4 after a diversion. Oh my God. I think if I had a, if I had a cat I would just love it too much and my heart would break into a thousand tiny pieces when it died.

Would you rather be a horse chestnut tree or an apple tree?

I’d rather be an apple tree because horse chestnut trees, certainly in the eighties to nineties, got an awful lot of, sort of, violent attacks to try and loosen the conkers. So I’d rather be an apple tree and be in the background of, perhaps, an episode of Inside the Factory where Gregg Wallace and Cherry… Green? Cherry Healey and Dr. Ruth Goodman, um, uh, research how factories make cider. *RH questions whether trees feel pain.* Does a tree get hurt if someone throws a stick at it in a wood that no one sees or hears? *RH mentioned an episode of Tales of the Unexpected where one character can hear trees scream as they’re cut down.* That’s The BFG. Could hear ladybirds and plants screaming. Quite an odd, bleak idea. This guy’s just sort of… Like if Dr. Doolittle was real, he would just be absolutely terrorized by animals going, “Why?! Get me out of here! It hurts! I’m so sad all the time! Where are my children?! I’m going to be murdered!” Someone should make that as, like, a dystopian Dr. Doolittle. A man who goes insane listening to the terror of animals that we inflict on them. Slash, the odd cat being quite happy. “I’m not dead, Richard.” No, I’d rather be an apple tree and I’d like my bounty to turn into cider. As long as it’s not Old Mout cider, because I think that’s rubbish. Why do we need to import cider from New Zealand? Sorry, that’s not a political statement. I just, like… We’re one of the best cider-producing countries in the world and you go to a bar and you’re like, “What cider have you got?” “Oh, black current and lime Old Mout.” Why?

Would you rather have to always wash your clothes in a dishwasher or always wash your plates, pans, cups, etc. in a washing machine? You’d have to use the dishwasher capsules in the dishwasher and the laundry tablets in the washing machine. You can still use the dishwasher for dishes if you choose to wash your clothes in the dishwasher and you can wash your clothes in the washing machine if you do your dishes there.

I think we might be into a bit of a no-brainer here because I’m a dishwashing/washing machine analyst. So what would happen – Obviously if you put your plates in the washing machine they’re all going to break. *RH suggests that they will not in this scenario.* So it’s a magic washing machine. Like when you wash shirts with a towel. No, I think we have to assume that the washing machine’s going to break all of your plates and cutlery. Well, it wouldn’t break your cutlery. It would break the washing machine. *RH asks JR whether he thinks the clothing would break the dishwasher.* No, because they would be static. So what would happen – What I would do, is I would put the clothes in the dishwasher on eco, which on my dishwasher if 50 degrees – that’s 180 minutes, that cycle – then I would put them in the washing machine with just an extra rinse. I think it would work. *RH confirms that while the dishes could go in the dishwasher, JR would only be able to clean his clothes in the dishwasher.* Well, I would have that over dishes in the washing machine. The only – The problem you’re looking at here is I’m going to need to invest in a tumble dryer, which I don’t currently own. Bit of a bone of contention between me and my fiancée. She says get a tumble dryer; I say there’s no room; she says you’re got a beer fridge, you could use that space. The clothes would be sodden. They wouldn’t be even damp; they would be sodden. So you’d have to wring them out, but that would be the least worse option. *RH posits a scenario where JR owns plastic plates, etc.* Okay, plastic plates and cups – they’re still going to wear down over time. *Beginning of tangent discussing RH’s dishwasher-loading strategies and limitations.*

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

No, but I do get @’d in to a few news stories about John Robins, who is the Chief of the Yorkshire police force. *RH asks whether JR is ever mistaken for another dead John Robins.* No, but I’ve got his pamphlet. I got it off Amazon. He was a ranter and thought he was Christ and made people lay palm leaves wherever he went before, I believe, being incarcerated. *RH asks whether JR is ever mistaken for one more dead John Robins.* I am sometimes mistaken for Stuart Goldsmith, including by people who have been on Stuart Goldsmith’s podcast. *RH asks whether JR is ever mistaken for a fourth dead John Robins.* Not to date, no. *RH asks whether JR is ever mistaken for a final dead John Robins.* No, no I haven’t.


Recorded at the Clapham Grand in South London. Due to COVID-19/coronavirus the audience was socially-distanced.

This is JR’s fifth appearance.

RH notes that before the show he took a bath, during which he got water in his ear. RH claims that he can no longer hear out of that ear.

JR brought his own beers as he found the selection at the Clapham Grand wanting.

The RHLSTP! (RHLSTP!) site is referenced during the episode at time mark 11:36.

RH states that at some point he will use Whizzer and Chips as a “Cool Kids” reference.

RH notes that he’s writing a new book of emergency questions.