Title: A Face For All Occasions

acast Time: Time
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: December 22, 201
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who can’t show his face in his village ever again.

Acronym Modification

Cool Kids
I was talking to Psy from off of Gangnam Style. He does a dance and then he calls it…

Guest Best Known
For her appearance on A Kick Up the Eighties.


Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Camilla opera singer
notes that currently there is not much call for opera singing
RH asks whether she would like to see his penis
RH sings some opera to her

Emergency Questions

Do you think the photo that will accompany your obituary has yet been taken or do you think it will come in the future?

Golly, I never thought about that. No, I think it will be as Mrs. Gamp. Me as Mrs. Gamp. Now, Charles Dickens – yeah? Charles Dickens, you know who that is? *RH takes issue with the idea his audience are unfamiliar with Charles Dickens.* The main thing is they’re not American. Because Americans haven’t got a clue. But the English know that Charles Dickens was a very great writer in the 19th century. He was born in 1812, so he was actually born in the Georgian times, before Queen Victoria, and he died in 1870. He was 56 when he died. And in that – really, relatively short – life, he wrote some of the most glorious novels. That were ever written. I think he’s as great as Shakespeare. He’s our window into the 19th century. We see the 19th century because of the way that he showed it to us. And I absolutely love him. And he created over 2,000 characters – that’s a huge amount of people that he just pulled out of his brain, out of his imagination. Absolutely amazing. And one of the characters that he, that he created was a drunken midwife called Mrs. Gamp. And she always went about with an umbrella. And I don’t know if you know, but you can call an umbrella a gamp. In Victorian times it was called a gamp, after her. And in Victorian times, midwives had two jobs. They didn’t just deliver babies; they laid out corpses as well. So when the door knock came, and they were called for, they didn’t know which duty they were being called upon to do. And Dickens describes that as, “Mrs. Gamp had a face for all occasions.” It’s just a brilliant description. And I do Mrs. Gamp. I did a play called Dickens’ Women and I did a lot of the characters and she was one of them. And Mrs. Gamp has one line that I always loved to say. She was always pissed; pretended she wasn’t. And pretended she was, you know, a very good nurse, and very honest and sober. She used to say, “Leave the bottle on the chimney place. And don’t ask me to take none. Let me put my lips to it when I’m so disposed and I will do everything I’ve been engaged to do according to the best of my abilities.” That’s Mrs. Gamp. And the photo that will be used will be me as Mrs. Gamp. That’s what I think.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No, no of course not. No, no, no. I deal in reality, not in nonsense. *RH notes that most actors have seen ghosts.* Well fuck ’em, maybe they have. I haven’t. I haven’t. I’ve never seen a ghost. Never seen a ghost.

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

What is that? I’ve seen a big cock; I’ve never seen a bigfoot.

Would you like to give me oral sex?

Not now, Darling. I don’t want to give anyone oral sex anymore. I want chicken soup with matzo balls; that’s what I want.