Title: Coolio Versus Mini Me

acast Time: 1:05:24
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: April 13, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s furious about Big Cook, Little Cook.

Acronym Modification
N/A

Cool Kids
I was talking to Jon Tickle from Big Brother 4. Remember Jon Tickle? Talking to Science from Big Brother 6. I think we’ve done him before but I can’t resist. I was talking to Spiral from Big Brother 7. Remember that? Do you remember Spiral? That doesn’t sound real. It was on the page.

Guest Best Known
For his appearance on The Podge and Rodge Show. You’ll also recognize him for a TV commercial for Auto Trader, which also featured June Whitfield.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
David Frew RH asks him why some farts don’t dissipate
DF posits it’s due to the humidity of the farts
reveals that he tried to light them
Andy McH on the same subject, AM suggests that the farts remain due to their high density

Emergency Questions

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

Oh, God. I’d just have to be me, really. I’ve got no choice. No, not exactly the same. Me, with less – how can I put it? I suppose – I mean, it’s not my – We grew up in quite a tough area, so you carry a certain look on your face and a way of saying things that might sound more aggressive than you actually are. You know, because otherwise those kids who see you coming back from the library are going to bite you, scatter your books everywhere. So, uh… And it’s just – And then also going to the kind of Catholic grammar school I went to, which was, you know, St. Bede’s. I mean, now it’s gone private, so it’s quite funny. Now I get attached for that. “Well, you went to private school.” Yeah, what? The one that I left and went private seven years later? But it’s kind of – It was quite a nasty place. It was, like, forceful with incense. You know, it kind of had an insidiousness to it. And the weird thing is that everyone thinks that if you go to grammar school, you’re soft. And yet my old primary school, St Alphonsus in Old Trafford, provided two out of the three cocks of the year above me. You know what I mean? And in Old Trafford as well. So it was like, well, maybe you’ve misjudged that one.

What’s the most bizarre wrong number/text that you’ve ever received?

Um, nope.

Who or what is your favourite Jacob or Jacobs?

I don’t know any. You didn’t have any Jacobs where I grew up. *RH references Jacob’s cream crackers.* Oh, cream crackers, I never liked them. *RH references the Israelite patriarch Jacob and TC’s relationship with Catholcism.* Well, more New Testament, not Old Testament. Catholics don’t read the Bible. It’s all in Latin. Jacob Rees-Mogg, did you mean? I think he might have worked on The Word.

Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?

No. I haven’t got a neck like a giraffe.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Um, no, but I was going to say I’ve had the willies. *Notes the darkness of this turn of phrase in light of their recent conversation about John Wayne Bobbitt.* No, but I’ve kind of had, um… No, because obviously when you work on radio for years, you always – You have a clairvoyant and you meet these people. There’s been some – I used to do a radio show with Jon Ronson as my sidekick. So I’d always get him on and all that; UFO’s, spiritualism. I’d set him a special task every night for the next night. Yeah, I’d play the Mission: Impossible, which he then knicked later on. And I went, “Your mission, should you choose to accept it, Jon, is to go out and find out if there’s such a thing as God.” And it was brilliant because then he’d come back to you the next night with this spiel, which was basically off the top of his head. Looking at paintings in B&Q. And then he’d come to his conclusion. And then I go, “So what is your conclusion? Is there such a thing as God?” And he’d go, “Well, we just don’t know.” But yeah, so all that stuff. I was told by this woman – and this was back in 1998 – and she took my keys off me and she said, “I can see you travelling all around the world.” I was so scared of flying, you know, I didn’t have any great travelling ambitions. You know, you’d have to strap me into a seat, you know, to fly to Greece once a year for holiday. I’d fly all around the world; I’d do this, I’d do that, I’d do the other. The police would be knocking on my door. Whoa. Everything happened within 18 months of that. I was on The Word, you know, going over to the USA all the time. Hawaii, Jamaica, blah, blah, blah; all the rest of it. And then the police did come knocking on my door because – In fact, it’s on Would I Lie To You?, which they keep showing on a loop. I wish I had the repeat for that. Me and a mate of mine – he was the secret guest on it – got arrested in Darby as suspected jewel thieves. Yeah, well, not arrested; surrounded by about eight cars. And they came around to my flat to apologize. The police came out because I worked on Radio Darby. Can you imagine the damage I could have done to them?

Notes

RH thanks Kickstarter contributors.

Kickstarter contributor Andy Sandal does not request anything be said, but RH thanks him for creating the sandal.

Kickstarter contributor requests that RH greet Ian Daly and send good luck to Daly Motors.

Kickstarter contributor Joel Geffen-Lewis asks that RH give a shout out to Peska, Dave, and Brains.

The image for the acast episode features Terry Christian and last episode’s guest Charley Boorman. RH notes that he wanted Christian and Boorman to form a Lee and Herring look-alike partnership.

RH reveals that Piers Morgan blocked him on Twitter.