Title: Piss Canal

acast Time: 1:20:46
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: April 27, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s recently spent three hours at a children’s party and is still exhausted from it.

Acronym Modification
N/A

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with Huffty from The Word this week. Remember Huffty? Do you remember The Word?

Guest Best Known
For his portrayal of Mikey Dawson in Hoff the Record.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
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Member Member Note
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Emergency Questions

Ernie Herring: Do ghosts have bum holes?

I think it’s a chicken or egg question. You know, do bum holes have ghosts? I think, well, you know, if ghosts are what people say they are – Which, I often think is something they’re saying out of their bum hole, you know. I guess if they are inhabiting the core features of the person who’s passed away, I think a bum hole is a core feature of all of us. *RH notes the “sheetiness” of ghosts starting at the waist area.* I actually take offense to that. No more pigeonholing ghosts as sheets. Imagine when you died and turned into a sheet with eyes. What kind of plan is that from God? Just like, “Honestly, I cannot think of anything and I am in bed right now. Sheets. Well, how’s it going to see? Eyes.” *RH notes that God would also have to decide to give the ghost a bum hole.* Exactly; well, who’s to say that’s not an eye n the afterlife?

Would you consider sex with a ghost as cheating on your partner?

Well, if you’re a ghost… Um, is it “sheeting” in a relationship? Um, am I proud of that? I guess it’s worse than cheating. It’s like you’ve gone mad. I’d rather you cheated than started having sex with sheets with holes for eyes.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I’ve seen people who look like ghosts. I get – No. No. I definitely get frustrated by the conversation.  Feel like there’s a lot of one-upmanship in ghost discussions. Every time someone calls it out, you can see a person waiting to tell their… […] “You know, I actually saw a…” And then they do that thing and you’re like, “What?” And they say, “It’s there.” It’s like, what a coincidence. His ears were burning. Rubbish.

Do you think the photo that will accompany your obituary has yet been taken or do you think it will come in the future?

Oh my God. Um, I hope so. Yeah, because I feel like I’m worried. I don’t, you know… I just… I feel like there’s always a thing that, um… Do you know what? I’m not going to say the thing I was going to say. I mean, I really want to say it because it’s not, like, uncouth, but I just don’t want to put it out there because someone will try and get the photo. Has that photo already been taken? I don’t know. Maybe it’s, um – I’d like it to be me, on a log flume, having the time of my life. […] I would be more than happy for it to be Stath or something. I’m more than, more than happy for that to be the case. I like – I feel like if I only once got to do a show where I really felt like I was doing a character that I, like, got and thought was fin, that’s amazing. Like, you know, yeah, it’s so nice to do something like, Oh, I think I quite like this. It’s quite good.

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

Is there a bladderless creature? I would love to not have to wee ever in my life. I’m coming out without a bladder. Yeah, honestly, I feel like, don’t even put my bladder into Room 101 because I don’t want it to exist anywhere. I just hate weeing all the time so much. Holidays have been ruined by it. I was on holiday with my girlfriend recently and I just – It’s like, “What did you do?” “Weed. I went to the toilet on holiday.” In Brooklyn I went to the loo on the Lower East Side. Yeah, it’s just hell. I think about that, like, whenever I’m thinking about one thing that would improve my life, it’s like, get rid of this bagpipe full of piss in my body. […] I know. Like, what is it going to be? Just permanently pissing.

Notes

RH recounts EH asking him whether ghosts have bum holes, which RH thinks is an excellent emergency question.

RH thanks Kickstarter contributors.

Kickstarter contributor Ben Lowry and the team from EggBox Imaging tells RH to feel free to call Ben a fucking idiot.

Kickstarter contributor Mark David requests that RH greet “his pesky kids”, Claire and Fred.

Kickstarter contributor Dan Powell requests that RH say “helicopter”.