Title: Do Not Listen On 2x Speed
acast Time: 1:14:53
Youtube Time: N/A
Original Record Date: April 18, 2022
acast Publication Date: June 22, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A
Please Welcome a Man
Who never eats mixed berry Soleros. Why do you keep asking me about it?
I was talking to Mr. Cadbury’s parrot. It’s Easter. Remember Mr. Cadbury’s parrot?
Guest Best Known
He’s the third guest in this series who is best known for their appearance on the Podge and Rodge Show. He was also on Lindmo, wasn’t he?
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A
Member Member Note
Do you think if you have sex with a robot that should count as cheating on your partner?
It’s never cheating to have sex with a robot. Oh, do you mean within a marriage? Within the framework of a marriage? I definitely – like, the laminated card that all married people carry. I’ve got a number of Hollywood starlets and then the robot that goes to a distant planet. That’s the number one. So I’m allowed to fuck the robot? If such a situation were – If we were in a bar and at the next table, I go, “Hey, are you the robot that goes into space?” And he goes, “Yes I am.” And then you could fuck the robot. And also, the robot won’t know so it’s okay, that. It would be awkward if the robot arrived [to a distant planet] and said, “I come in peace.” And they’re covered in jizz. And they raise their hand as a peaceful gesture and there are splotches all over it, all over alien faces. That would be, that would be awkward. That would be a bad situation.
Do you think the photo that will accompany your obituary has yet been taken or do you think it will come in the future?
Oh. Oh, that’s interesting, because usually they make it quite contemporaneous. Oh, I mean, is there a dreadful one that’s a kind of, uh…? I mean, people keep sending me… Obviously the one they’ll come to is a picture of fucking Megabus. Or any of my many looky-likeys. And then a small picture of actual me, but mainly a picture of the Megabus guy, which is, even then, being archived. They’d have to find an old picture. I mean, it would be awful if the guy from Megabus died. It would be awful if Gru from Despicable Me had died, but it’s okay if the guy who looks a little bit like Gru had died; that’s okay. We can, we can process that grief. So, it’s really sad that happened. No, I mean, yeah, I don’t know what era of… *RH notes that the picture may still yet to be taken, perhaps after DO stars as James Bond.* Yes, because I know that they’re broadening the search a lot at the moment. […] What I would love it to be is a picture of me on stage. I would love it to be taken from the show. It won’t be that. Of course it won’t be that. Even though it will be full-length, standing there, you know, doing the thing. Doing the thing I actually did most of the time. But no, it will be me standing next to fucking Matilda the Robot. Or some fucking format that only lasted a series because he did it once or whatever or some ridiculous thing. So, it won’t be that. On a rotating couch for Go 8 Bit. It will be that rather than actually what I did as my job. Yes, grand. Or it will just say, “Uh, are you going to bring Frankie Boyle back?”
If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?
Uh, I’d be a backing singer. Or in a backing band to Prince right ’round the 1999 tour. RH takes umbrage with DO time-travelling.* I can be anything at all but it has to be now? I would be one of the muscle men who comes out and used to do that – You remember that act? It would be a great act to have. “Bum bum, bum bum.” And you’d move your fucking tits up and down. Could you imagine that as a new direction? If I come out and they said, “Okay, you know him as the host of Mock the Week and stand-up, here’s Dara Ó Briain.” And I walk out, in a tux – “Oh, he’d dead!” – and then I drop the tux. Really ripped, really fucking ripped, right? And then the music starts, “Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.” And then just move me fucking pecs up and down. That was a fucking act. That was how easy it was to make a living in this country in showbiz thirty years ago. Go on the Paul Daniels show and just move your fucking tits around.
If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?
I would go on a fucking spree. Can I do it like a supermarket thing where I get a trolley and I’m just firing fucking Monets in and just grabbing shit off the walls? *RH allows this.* Yeah, fuck it. That would be great. I want everything. Fuck the lot of ya’s. And I’m on roller skates, pushing my way to – There’s a ton of things I would take. I would take Rodin’s doors of hell, which is fantastic. Just these depictions of people writhing in pain; it’s amazing. I would take anything by the Impressionists. Nothing pre-1880; nothing fucking biblical-based, neo-Classical stuff. Boring. All of it – I damn you all. And then by Jack Yeats, who is Ireland’s legendary impressionist painter. Fabulous man, Jack Yeats. Has anyone heard of Jack Yeats? Brother of William Butler Yeats. Jack Yeats is Ireland’s greatest painter of all time. Incredible, incredible work, but his peak period started when he was 71.When he was 71 he’d done about 800 paintings, and between 71 and 95 he painted another 1600 paintings. And they’re astonishing, incredible. And they’re all based on memory, and they’re all done from memory, because he’s standing up and painting all these vistas he’s seen during his life, but in an incredibly impressionistic kind of way. There’s an entire wing of his work in the National Gallery in Dublin, which is incredible and worth seeing. But actually, probably, I’d knick a Bridget Riley. I think one of the large canvas Bridget Riley’s from the mid- to late-80’s. I’d have one of those, like, whatever, and go for that. Because I love Bridget Riley’s work.
This is DO’s second appearance.
RH thanks Kickstarter contributors.
Kickstarter contributor George asked RH to slag off the name George.
RH notes his wish to have Podge and Rodge as guests on the podcast.
The sex with a robot emergency question is framed a having sex with a robot being sent into outer space for exploration purposes.
RH notes that he used to masturbate to female contestants on Going For Gold.
DO performs his impression of Christopher Walken.