Title: Just Dust

acast Time: 1:10:44
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: July 13, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s been burned by his seven year-old daughter.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Let’s Support Train-Drivers Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to Dick and Dom the other day. They don’t know anything about this podcast. Then I was talking to Sam and Mark and they call it…

Guest Best Known
For playing the Taco Guy in Catastrophe.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Andy McH present
RH notes that Andy McH controls the scoreboard for Me1 vs. Me 2
Unnamed present
provides RH and BZ with the full list of Blazin’ Squad members

Emergency Questions

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

*RH suggests BZ could turn into a homeowner, and that a chrysalis itself is a kind of home.* I think I’m fine just to stay in there. I could just die in there and I’d be happy.

If your genitals had to be replaced by the face of one of the Muppets – the face would be able to interact and communicate in exactly the same way as the puppet – which puppet face would replace your genitals?

Uh, Animal is quite exciting. Yeah. Really quite exciting. Hold on, is he talking? Wait, I thought – *RH confirms that the Muppet face would talk and otherwise interact in the same manner as the original puppet.* That might have its benefits. I don’t know.

If you had to be given oral sex by a dinosaur, if you had to be, which dinosaur would you like to be mouthed to completion by?

What’s the one in Land Before Time? What’s the main… Vegetarian, you want a vegetarian, right? Hold on, they’re not eating it. When you wrote this question, was it always in your mind that they’d eat it? *RH confirms that the dinosaur would not eat BZ’s genitals. RH asks BZ to confirm that he wanted a cartoon dinosaur to blow him*. Ideally. I mean, that would be better than the real thing, right?

I accidentally elbowed Denise van Outen in the face on Channel 5’s Celebrity Game Night. What is the worst injury you have directly or indirectly caused to a celebrity or person of renown?

I don’t know as many celebrities as you. But I don’t go on Channel 5. What was it called? Celebrity Game Night. […] I elbowed my Media Studies teacher by accident and that was very – I feel very bad about that still.

What would it take for you to fellate the actor Keith Allen?

I’d like to go on QI. Yeah.

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

Well, interestingly… So, I guess that’s the most famous guy with my name. I think he died fighting the Taliban or something. He’s considered, like, a hero, right? Some Facebook page was set up. Some Muslim, like, I don’t know. There’s all these thing, like, where it’s, like, “Oh look, everyone, we’re not that bad” kind of Muslim groups get set up. And, like, just don’t bother, you know? It was one of those accounts. One of those things on Facebook did a thing where there was a quote from me, and it said my name, but it was a picture of him. And he’s wearing an army uniform. What do they think I do? They think I do, like, an army character comedian guy? Yeah. So that’s happened, unfortunately.

If you a silo, what would you store in it?

What’s a silo? *RH advises that it’s a storage structure.* Okay, I would keep – You know Coco Pops? Like, right at the bottom you get the dust. The best stuff. I would keep that in there.

How many members of Blazin’ Squad can you name?

Oh, okay. Um, Winston. Uh, Gregory. Um, Arthur. That’s three. *RH admits that he can’t confirm whether BZ is correct.* You don’t know any of them? How many are there? Was there, like, ten or, like, eight?

Did any future celebrities go to your school?

*RH asks where BZ attended high school.* Wanstead High School. I mean, I didn’t like it, but I didn’t really like school. It was quite a big school. A little bit rough sometimes. We did have a good celebrity. Um, Ronnie O’Sullivan. Before my time. And also – So, there was Ronnie O’Sullivan, someone who’s a footballer’s wife – I think Joe Cole’s wife – and I’m on. Someone put me on the Wikipedia. So it’s all raw talent.

Did the siblings of any celebrities teach at your school?

No. But, but this was always rumoured but Peter Andre’s brother owned, like, a salon on the High Street there. Well, I don’t know. Everyone just said that all the time. “Oh, that’s Peter Andre’s brother.” Don’t know. Could have been a lie.

Which toy did you always want for Christmas but never received?

That’s a good question. I think probably, like, a Power Ranger. Maybe the green one. Because there was a twist, where the Green Power Ranger turned out to be the White Ranger one all along. Yeah, because he was never there and the White Ranger turned up. *RH asks whether BZ ever purchased the Green Power Ranger for himself as an adult.* No,  don’t really do that. Actually, at uni I – off eBay… Did you ever see the Power Rangers where you press the belt and it flips around so it’s, like, a human face and it flips and it’s the mask thing, the helmet. And I bought a couple of those and I was like, you know, like twenty years-old now.

Notes

This is BZ’s second appearance.

Recorded at the Phoenix in London.

RH and BZ plan to put on a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.