Title: Vibrator Kettle Mum

acast Time: 59:50
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: August 8, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
The Duke of Edinburgh is dead; the King of Edinburgh is mostly alive.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lothian Scottish Thistle Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the English Lionesses the other day. Everyone in Scotland cheer! Oh, there’s some support. There are a lot of English people in Edinburgh, let’s face it. They’re barely Scottish here in Edinburgh.

Guest Best Known
For her appearance on Dinner Date.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Liam last year attended every RHLSTP recording at Edinburgh but one
confirms we will attend at least half of this year’s RHLSTP recordings
David Frew present

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Do you know what? I haven’t. *RH notes that HD says otherwise in her book.* No, but that’s me. That’s a spirit, isn’t it? Does that count? Well I’m thinking at the minute that my dead mother is in the kettle where I’m staying in Musselburgh. No, she was lovely. She loved a cup of tea, clue one. And we’d just been chatting away in the kitchen, because its sort of like a student set-up and then, um, well, often other people chat away in kitchens, as it happens. And then the kettle will just come on, even – Well, no, that’s a lie. I was going to say even when you unplug it. I couldn’t. I couldn’t lie. But it just keeps – Although, I did unplug it before left because I didn’t trust it and I thought, My goodness, what if I burnt the place down? Yeah, she was a lovely lady. Do you know what happened? What I also though as well was, because my mum was only ever with my dad, and then once I was doing the dishes and an advert came on the radio. It was saying about these new little vibrators  – bare with me – […] and they’re called the VIV. And I was like, That’s my mum’s name. Maybe that’s what she’s come back as. Little vibrators. And then I’m like, you know when you’re a kid the battery’s not included. Like, if someone annoys me I’ll go like that and all these little vibrators will attack.

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

Could I not just be a caterpillar? Wait a minute. My partner says I look like a caterpillar. I think it’s because I’m quite long and I’ve got a rounded head. *RH notes that HD also has one hundred legs.* That’s a millipede. *RH clarifies the conceit of the chrysalis emergency question.* Alright, well that would be silly. That would be silly, wouldn’t it? *RH notes that as a caterpillar HD would eventually become a butterfly.*  But I’d always go back to being a caterpillar. I could be, like, an old gnarled – I feel like I’m saying gnarled weird – an old gnarled butterfly. With at the end of it’s wings have gnarled pinching claws. Or I could come back – In my chrysalis I could, I would turn into you and then I’d come here and they’d go, “Well, who is the real one?” And I’d be like, “Well, you tell me.”

Which celebrity have you been uncoolest in the company of?

So when I first met – but I think of her as a friend now – oh, that sounds cringe, doesn’t it? Well, Sarah Millican. What happened was, um, I had – So, I was doing a gig with her and then I, my mum had not long died, actually, but she wasn’t in a kettle then. And  was wearing a very long – she doesn’t know this, actually – but I was wearing a very long coat. So we went for food before and then, um, I think I’ve probably got IBS but I can’t be dealing with anything else. I mean, goodness. So anyway, I smoked at the time and I went outside for a cigarette and then I just farted loads, because… from the dinner. And then what had happened was my long coat had captured the farts. And then I went back in. Why would anyone think that had happened? So then I just whipped my coat off and it was like a guff grenade. So that happened. But you know when people do the *sniff sniff*? Classic, that.

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

Yes, yeah. Well, ’cause she was actually in Australia as well, because we were competing for a while on when you Googled it, it was me at first. But now she’s doing very well. She was in The Invisible Man and that was good. And she was in – oh, lots of invisible things, actually, because she was in the Australian version of The Medium with the true story about Allison Dubois. You know, the lady that… *RH confirms that he was an avid viewer of the American version of The Medium.* That was great. The Australian one was not as great. But yeah, I often – Oh my God, I just remembered there was one guy that said he wanted to kiss my sixty times. And I was like, “I think you mean…” Because he was going on about my acting. And I was like, “You want to kiss Harriet Dyer the actress sixty times. I should have taken that for the team and said that it was me because now he’s going to go to her and it might have escalated. He might have offered her 120 kisses. *RH notes that Harriet Dyer is an uncommon name.* You say that. I used to work with a Harriet Dyer in a theatre in Cornwall and then, get this, I once got pickpocketed at the Edinburgh Fringe and I knew I had. My bag went missing and people went, “Oh, are you sure you haven’t put it somewhere.” Why would I walk in to watch a show and then put my bag in a different part of the room? So then, but that got stolen, It was a precision operation because I got the CCTV and someone got it and there was another person dropped it and off they went with it. And then all my stuff was emptied in a bin at Waverley train station and then a man found all my stuff in the bin and then searched “Harriet Dyer.” Found the Harriet Dyer that I used to work with in Cornwall, who knew my dad. So she then messaged my dad and said, “I think Harriet has had her bag stolen.” And then I woke up that day to a message from my dad going, “Oh, someone got their bag stolen last night.” And I was like, Goodness gracious.


Recorded at the Assembly Ball Room in Edinburgh as part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

RH shares a joke about a squirrel that his son likes to tell.