Title: Stump

acast Time: 54:22
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: August 20, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s working an hour a day without a day off for twelve days in a row. He’s already done five days. How is he managing it?

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Loquacious for the Sixth Time Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the owner of the Tempting Tattie the other day.

Guest Best Known
As the Icelandic entry “Flo og Joan” from the Isolation Song Contest.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

ND: A massive rock. Yeah. I don’t know; I panicked. Well, I want to be something bigger. I’d like to be the size of a human woman, actually. Um, yeah. I want to be something bigger. You can see a lot. You get, like, battered a lot if you’re, like, by the sea. People get to explore you. I’m really regretting this, actually. I don’t know. A big rock.

RD: Well I would love to be, um… I would love to be a train, a train that never stops. Fuck you. I was thinking I want to be something bigger, I want to be something that moves, because when the butterfly comes out it just goes, doesn’t it? *RH asks about the passengers on the train.* That would be good, but I’d make my passengers people like… palatable people. People like that I like. A mix of people that I like. Maybe my worst enemies, so they can’t get off and then I just – What’s that film? Snowpiercer. It would be like Snowpiercer where I’m at the front where the really – I don’t know if you’ve seen that film, but all the – No, all the terrible things happen in the back and you’ve got to get to the front. Is that the premise? Yeah. So I would put all my enemies at the back. I would be a living Snowpiercer train. Final answer.

How many members of Blazin’ Squad can you name?

RD: One. Dappy. *RH confirms that Dappy is not a member of Blazin’ Squad.* Is he not? Oh, he was from N-Dubz. What a fucking fail. How embarrassing. Then none.

ND: Was there one called Len? Len Goodman from Blazin’ Squad. *RD advises that ND is confusing this with Strictly Come Dancing.* No, I’m thinking from Len. I’m sure there was. *RH confirms Len was a member.*

Which celebrity have you been uncoolest in the company of?

RD: I don’t know what you count as a celebrity. Sarah Keyworth? I think possibly, because it was the first named that came to my head was where – In 2018 we did the [unclear] bar in the Pleasance and the show after us was Richard Coles. And it was always an interview show, so he’d always have a famous guest. And one of the shows he’d had Ruth Jones. Ruth Jones, and they were making loads of noise behind the show. Like, during our show you could hear them in the back just clamouring around. And you never know – You come off, like, doing a big show and then, like, Judy Murray is in the changing room. I can’t compute this. And Ruth Jones was there and I came off and immediately said, like, as a joke, “Aw, you guys were loud.” And then I realized it was Ruth Jones, who I absolutely love, and I think she was like, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.”

ND: And we bustled through with, like, ten recorders in our hands as well. Looking like the biggest fucking losers in the world. Like, “You made too much noise while we were playing the recorder!”

Do you think if you have sex with a robot that should count as cheating on your partner?

ND: I’ve watched too many documentaries where this scenario is played out. And you can see the person who’s like, “It’s totally fine that my husband has sex with a sex robot. She’s like another member of our family.” And then they always cut to her, like, filmed through a door just crying into a mirror. And so having seen enough of those I feel sorry for the person on the other side.

RD: I think it’s okay. End.

How about if the robot is an exact copy of what your partner looked like when you first met them?

ND: What if you get a sex robot of both of them and you see if the sex robots can have sex with themselves and then it’s like, you can watch your younger selves having sex with each other. Without, like, the old and the young having to do it separately. Or you can just pass them around and see what it feels like for everyone. So, old and old, young and young, young and old, young and old. Robot, human.


Recorded at the Assembly Ball Room in Edinburgh as part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

This is F&J’s second appearance.

Flo & Joan are Nicola and Rosie Dempsey.

RH notes that when his son tells a joke and makes some laugh, he proceeds to tell his catchphrase, “Is someone laughing in here?”