Title: Pompeii Sixty-Nine

acast Time: 59:53
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: August 26, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s got a duck bone to pick with Pizza Express.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Leaving Socializing T’Others Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with the cast of Shrek: The Musical today. They put a Shrek in it. They’re the only ones that put a Shrek in it and thus the most successful show at the Edinburgh Fringe.

Guest Best Known
For coming in last place on Taskmaster: Champion of Champions.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Why hast thou forsaken me?

I’ve not. I hast not forsaken you.

Where do you get your crazy ideas from?

I think you actually have asked me that before. Genuinely have asked me that.

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

No, I think I’d like to emerge as me but with your face, like, your living face in the side of me here. Like in – Is it Total Recall when that happens? I’d like to be Total Recall Ed Gamble with Richard Herring’s face in there.

Do you think the photo that will accompany your obituary has yet been taken or do you think it will come in the future?

You’ve also asked me that as well, I think. Also, people were tweeting you with my Google picture, which is if you Google me – people tell me this every day – a ridiculous picture comes up of me with fake tan on really smiling. And it was when I was doing that show Almost Royal and we had to do press for it. And part of it was we went out to this awards ceremony and we did a sketch where I did too much fake tan and I had to go to an awards ceremony and meet Dustin Hoffman, with loads of fake tan on. And every day people are like, “Google has done you, mate. You look like a fucking idiot here.” I was professionally being an idiot, thank you. So that’s probably going to be it. If it’s the top Google one, that will be it.

If you had to be given oral sex by a dinosaur, if you had to be, which dinosaur would you like to be mouthed to completion by?

Okay, I’ve not heard this one. Probably one of the herbivores, right? *RH notes that people eat meat, but this isn’t a consideration when EG received oral sex from one.* Well no, not a human. But I think dinosaurs are slightly less trustworthy. Well, some of them are famously evil, aren’t they? Although there’s a danger element there that could be quite exciting. Like a velociraptor or something. […] Probably, um, maybe a stegosaurus. Gentle. Nice and gentle.

Which toy did you always want for Christmas but never received?

Yeah, my grandma [unclear] to get me Tracy Island, which was pretty good. Um, no, there was a, there was a water pistol that was voice-activated. Don’t know if anyone remembers the voice-activated water pistol. And you got a little microphone with it and you could shout and then it would fire the… But, I mean, fucking pointless. Like, you may as well just use the water pistol. I never got that. You could just shout out and fire a normal water pistol.

How do you think you would fare living one thousand years ago?

Am I Type 1 diabetic? *RH asks whether people were Type 1 diabetic one thousand years ago.* Well they were, but very briefly. So I wouldn’t fare well, I guess. No, but I don’t think I’d do well. I often think of, like, a post-apocalyptic society and how I’d do there and I wouldn’t do well at all. I think if it was sort of feudal I’d die immediately.

I accidentally elbowed Denise van Outen in the face on Channel 5’s Celebrity Game Night. What is the worst injury you have directly or indirectly caused to a celebrity or person of renown?

They don’t really let me near celebrities. […] I think I did a bit of wee on Jamie Foxx once. Yeah, I was stood next to him at the urinal. I splash a lot. Yeah, I’m a splasher. Forceful old stream there. Very proud of it, actually. Yeah, I’ll wear beige trousers just to show off. *RH asked whether Jamie Foxx also splashed.* Yeah, we had a big old fight at the end.

Would you rather go to Christmas Island or Easter Island?

I don’t really know what goes on on those islands. I prefer Christmas to Easter. That’s not the question. *RH advises that the Moai are located on Easter Island, whereas Christmas Island was discovered on Christmas Day.* That’s why it’s called Christmas Island?

How many members of Blazin’ Squad can you name?

Oh God. That’s such a good question. Oh, I used to be able to do so, so many. Do you have them written down there? *RH confirms he does not.* Okay. [I can name t]welve. *RH asks EG to name the twelve.* Ah. That wasn’t the question. Kenzie. I think there was one called, like, Strider. *RH expresses belief that EG is mistaking Blazin’ Squad for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.* No, that’s Shredder. Um, Mango? r., Mr. Timkins. Felipo.

Which celebrity have you been uncoolest in the company of?

Um, oh. Corey Taylor from Slipknot. *RH asks whether Corey Taylor appeared on an episode of EG’s podcast Off Menu.* He was, but also I’d met him before when I was fourteen. I went to a Slipknot signing at Virgin Megastore on Oxford Street. And we got there five hours early. And then they came out, they walked through the shop, and I ran at him. And I was probably about six stone heavier than I am now and he’s quite a short man. And I threw myself at him and launched. And I just heard from under the horrible mask, “Oh my God.” And I thought, I’ll tell him that story when I interview him and he did not enjoy that story. No, I think it must have happened to him a lot. Yeah. But he was not bothered by the story, I don’t think. But wonderful man. Very funny man.

Notes

Recorded at the Assembly Ball Room in Edinburgh as part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

This is EG’s fifth appearance.

EG suggests that he and RH should go to Pompeii together.

RH notes that he wants to live at least until his children are of an age where they’ll remember him after his death.