Title: Magic Flute

acast Time: 57:35
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: August 29, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who has now seen Janeane Garofalo and the Gruffalo at the same Edinburgh Fringe.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Let’s Salute Timkey Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging out with the Gruffalo just now and the mouse and everything. There’s a rat. What else was there? A giant that takes his clothes off.

Guest Best Known
For his portrayal of magic flute-playing monkey Timkey in the as yet unproduced cartoon series that I am going to produce if it kills me.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?

Yes, I have. It was in Josh Pugh’s show. Um, no, I don’t think I have. No. I’ve  – What’s been your feedback, answering that question? *RH notes that though many have attempted, few have been successful.* Successful is an interesting sort of word to use. It’s a type of success, isn’t it? It’s not a Perrier win. *RH states that many years ago he could just get the end in.* Which end?

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

Okay, what rather than who? *RH advises that TK could choose another person, or he could choose himself but having changed somehow.* Oh no. I think it’s dolphin time. Can I keep my face? And maybe one hand? Yes, just so I can shush other dolphins.

There’s a show up in Edinburgh and the tag line of the show is, “It’s like Mr. Bean crossed with The Shining.” Can you imagine a worse pairing of two films that would ruin both films by putting them together?

Yes, I can definitely do that. That would be, um… Have you seen Elephant? No, it’s quite a slow-paced film charting the afternoon of the Columbine massacre. So I’m going to cross that with Grease, maybe.

How many penises do you think there are on the Bayeux Tapestry?

Oh, wow. Well, there’s a lot. I went and inspected it three years ago. Yeah, on New Year’s Day. And, um, it’s a real eye-opener, that tapestry. Is it your favourite tapestry? *RH says that it’s his favourite embroidery.* Okie doke. Alright, you’ve sharpened up on your language. Would you say it’s an animation? That could be, um… What’s that thing they do when they, when you, like a mood board. When we find our illustrator [for a hypothetical animated collaboration written by RH and featuring TK] we can put the Bayeux Tapestry as, like, “We want it to look – This is the look. Basically, old and shit. With lots of penises.” How many are there? I’d say there’s probably 400. *RH responds in the negative.* “No.” What a horrible interviewer. “No.” Okay, I’ll go for 90. *RH notes that the correct answer is 93.*

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No.

If you were God, what flavour would you have made ejaculate?

Yeah, I think I’d keep it the same. And I’d also, I’d have other stuff tasting like that. I think that would be the taste of vanilla ice cream.

If you could have a hand made of ham or an armpit that dispensed sun cream, which would you prefer?

*Responding after RH mentions the ham hand, without waiting for the alternative.* Yes, I would want that one. I want the hand made out of ham. It sort of is. It wouldn’t be, like, a huge shift, would it? *RH advises that it would be similar to a ready-to-eat cooked ham.* Oh, nibble on your fingers. No, I think I’m happy with the hand made out of ham.

If everyone else in the world left in a spaceship and left you behind, so everything belonged to you, where would you live? What paintings would you have on your wall? Would you be lonely? Where would be the most ostentatious place you would masturbate?

*RH only asks where TK would like and what painting he would hang on his wall.* Cuba, just off the top of my head, obviously. Oh right, I’d have – There’s a painting called The Queue, which is a Russian painting, which I was quite taken by once. […]

Do you ever worry that you have already lived your life and are now in a care home with Alzheimer’s disease and what you perceive as reality is just a distorted memory of the first time this happened?

That’s beautiful. That’s a lovely question. Uh, no I don’t, but that’s, that’s poetic.

Notes

Recorded at the Assembly Ball Room in Edinburgh as part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

This is TK’s second appearance.

RH sings the theme song he wrote to an animated series he’s imagined, staring TK and featuring RH. TK and RH read a short script that RH has written.

RH notes that some day he may use the emergency question, “Have you got an asshole?”

At time marks 18:34, 38:48, 54:16, and 54:37, TK reads poems he wrote. He refers to these as “emergency poems.”

RH notes his wish to have Daisy May Cooper as a guest on the podcast.