Title: Mosquito in the Kitchen

acast Time: Time
Youtube Time: 1:14:42

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: November 16, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who can’t trust his own memory.

Acronym Modification

Cool Kids
I was talking to Moe from The Simpsons last week. He said, “How did you get this number? When I get my hands on you…”

Guest Best Known
For his appearance as Boyfriend in Neighbours.


Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Do you have any clear childhood memories that simply can’t be true?

Well, no. I think it could be true. I’m fairly sure I shook Jeremy Beadle’s withered hand. I’m fairly sure it’s true but it sounds like it’s not true. But my dad used to coach basketball; used to coach the Birmingham Bullets team. And basketball was quite big for a certain period in the Nineties, I believe, and so they did it in [unclear] and in Birmington. So they would pay some money to – I think Jeremy Kyle found out because he was a local celeb before he became a national celeb. And, um, Jeremy Beadle came in and he was running along the audience and I’m fairly sure I shook his hand as he ran past.

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

Anything? Stewart Lee.

If you had to have sex with a TV or film snowman or woman, if you had to, which famous snowman or woman would you have sex with and how would you guard against genital frostbite?

How many are there? There’s just the Snowman. There’s that evil one in one of the horror films. Jack Frost, he’s like an evil one. I’m a bit into that, like, slightly kinky stuff actually. So let’s go with Jack Frost because he’d be into, like, making me a bit cold. He’d like it, wouldn’t he? See, I’ve got a thing for Priti Patel for that reason. […] And what would I do to prevent my cock falling off? I’m not sure… It wouldn’t take me that long. It’s been a while. […] I don’t know what ‘d do. I’d maybe take a cup of tea with me, which I always do for lovemaking. Make sure there’s a fresh brew.

What was the most deluded thing you thought of yourself as a child?

The worst thing I did was I got very angry about my – I think it was my next-door neighbour said something to me – a similar age – said something to me and I was really cross about that. I went into my room and I ripped up a book and I went downstairs. And it was a beautiful pop-up book about Tutankhamun and had all these lovely things. And I just pulled it all out. And I went downstairs and I said to Mum, “I ripped up a book.” And she went, “Go to your room.” And I was mortified. And I spent weeks paying it off to buy a new copy of the book. But that was, like, a real moment of, like, whoa. Like, I’m capable of madness.


This is JL’s third appearance.

RH recounts that as a child he ventured into his garden in Cheddar at nighttime, looking up into the night sky, and seeing Saturn as big as the moon. RH notes that he is likely misremembering this.

RH recounts that on car journeys as a child, RH’s sister would take a pin, prick her leg, and bring forth blue blood from the wound. RH notes that he is likely misremembering this.

The new childhood memories emergency question is based on the premise of the false memories noted above.

RH gifts JL with a Prince Andrew “No Sweat” sweatband.

JL relates the painful lost of a dear friend to whom he was unable to properly to say goodbye due to COVID-19/coronavirus restrictions.