Title: Watch Out! Watch Out!

acast Time: 1:07:09
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: December 21, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s actually taking a holiday next week, But only from the theatre; the podcast will still come out.

Acronym Modification

Cool Kids
I was talking to Jeremy Cunt today, who lives his whole life in mortal fear of someone accidentally calling Jeremy Hunt.

Guest Best Known
As the co-anchor of Log.tv. That’s why we’re all here. He was also an AD1 member in St Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold.


Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Andy has been a Wrexham fan for 15 years

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I spend a disproportionate time in castles, yes. The famous abode of ghosts. I was absolutely convinced I saw one when I was little. And this is a good, spooky thing. I was staying in a big, posh house and this is where it all began. I was like, “Oh, it’s so big and draughty.” But I was staying in a bedroom there and there was a fox’s head on the wall. So already, this is a spooky environment to be nine year-old in, or ten years-old, or whatever it was. And I was like, I’m not putting out the light, I’m not putting out the light. I’m going to continue reading, you know, whatever Wilbur Smith book I was reading at the time. And, ah, at a certain point I was like, It’s looking at me. It wasn’t looking at me. It was facing that way, and then it turned. *Makes meaningful motion.* That’s not very good for the podcast audience. It’s great for the people that are here. They loved that bit of stagecraft. But yeah, I was convinced that while I was reading the book, that it had slowly turned and was looking at me. And I was absolutely – I was pinned to the bed. I was so convinced and terrified that’s what happened. And I, like, scuttled into my parents’ bedroom. “The fox looked at me and it’s definitely a ghost.” So I was sure of that. And then, as years went by, I was like, I think it was facing towards me the whole time. Made that whole thing up in my head. So, I don’t think I have seen a ghost. Occam’s razor tells us that the fox was definitely point at my bed, and I hadn’t really taken it in.

What’s the worst cheese that you’d still be prepared to eat?

I hate to swear: fucking anything. I love cheese. And I know – I mean, obviously the sensible thing to say is Kraft cheese slices, but then you get them on a cheeseburger and it’s incredible. I mean, it’s the best of the cheeseburger cheeses. I don’t care for – when you go somewhere and they’re like, “We’ve got a Roquefort cheeseburger.” I’m like, “No. Put that on the side. I like that on the side. I don’t want it interfering with my beef.” So I love all cheese. That’s not true. I don’t like blue cheese, but I love all other cheeses. *RH asks HK whether he eats the rind of the cheese.* Yes, yes. Yeah, I didn’t for a long time and then one time I did and I was like, I’ve been missing out on a whole, glorious… yes.

Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?

I mean, I must have done. *Noise from the audience.* I think that’s Andy, the Wrexham fan: “We need to get to the bottom of this. This fellow’s in charge of our club; I want to know.” No, uh, have I ever tried? I mean, listen, I must have done. I’m incredibly inflexible and I got very inflexible very early on. So I know that I would have been twarted at that at any point. To be honest, it’s so readily available to me. *RH states that when one is as posh as HK, fellacio must be particularly accessible.* When you’re this tall. That’s what really does it, because it’s just ease of access. No, I mean, as I say, I must be honest. I think I must have tried, because hasn’t everyone sort of tried? But no, I couldn’t reach it. It’s too far away. Yes, a real blow.

Do you think the photo that will accompany your obituary has yet been taken or do you think it will come in the future?

I hope so, because I think its only going to get worse from here. Well, this is the thing. It depends on what the headline is. If it’s like: Disgraced former football executive, then I sort of hope the photo’s already been taken. If it’s… Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, listen, that would be… Yeah, hauling some silverware would be very nice. I would take that. I don’t, I don’t think I’ve got anything else. I’ve got my perspex Dave Comedy award photo. But no, yes, alright – I’ll say I hope it hasn’t been taken yet, because that means there’s good times to come.