Title: Gascoigne V Herring

acast Time: 1:11:35
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: December 25, 2022
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s still only had three hours sleep, even though a week has passed.

Acronym Modification

Cool Kids
I was talking to Kel, from Kenan and Kel the other day. It’s going well. He’s actually become religious. I don’t know if you knew that. I just thought I’d look him up to check he was still alive. Because not everyone from the opening [unclear] of Kenan and Kel is still alive.

Guest Best Known
MB: As Roland in Bob the Builder.
JH: As Corporal Matlin from Hellboy.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a ghost?

MB: No.

JH: No, sir. It’s interesting. Larry [Laurence Rickard] did a ghost podcast a couple of weeks ago, and he summed it up really well. That none of us really – None of us in the group really believe in ghosts, but in the hotel we stay in Guildford one of the rooms is, is purportedly haunted. And everyone’s really uncomfortable about staying in it. So maybe we do.

Ernie Herring: Do ghosts have bum holes?

JH: Ours do.

MB: Ours do. It’s been referred to in the show now, that they do go to the toilet but then it turns to dust. The same would apply to ejaculate.

Would you consider sex with a ghost as cheating on your partner?

MB: [Ghosts character] Julian could finger someone; that’s true. And I wouldn’t put it passed him to try.

JH: That’s a good point. You’ve really found a hole there. God that’s awful. So sorry. But it works. He would do that, wouldn’t he? I’d feel guilty. I’m pathetic though.

MB: It is cheating. I think it is.

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

JH: Just an athletic man. Just save me the gym membership and yeah. Just an absolute goddess. Goddess? God. I’d be a Greek goddess.

MB: Oh, something completely carefree. A bird. A beautiful bird.

Do you think the photo that will accompany your obituary has yet been taken or do you think it will come in the future?

JH: I don’t know. Probably Pat, isn’t it? I don’t know. I really hope it’s my spotlight photo. I really hope it’s my acting sort of 10x 8. I don’t know. Like… No, there’s nothing cool. I’m trying to think if I’ve got a Bird of Prey one on my arm or something cool. No, I’ll tell you what made me think of that. What made me think of that – I’m thinking out loud, peeps. Pat; so we’ve got an obituary of Pat in Ghosts. It’s rarely seen. It’s only when Mike opens the cupboards and goes sees he’s got a little sort of chart of who’s… of what they look like. The local paper obituary, and it’s Pat with a sort of hawk on his arm. We had to, like, go and take the picture in between scenes. That’s exactly why I thought about it now.

MB: *RH notes how humorous MB and JH’s deaths will be.* We talk about it often. The running, the running joke has been that, you know, whoever has… If any of us dies prematurely in some sort of sudden way, the running joke amongst us is have we done enough for the headline not to be, “Children’s entertainer, Horrible Histories star…” and then a picture of me dressed as Charles II. Like, have we done enough to just have a little more respect on our name – however hard it is to remember how to spell it.

What’s the worst cheese that you’d still be prepared to eat?

MB: I’m vegan these days. *RH points out that one can procure vegan cheese.* Yeah, and that is bad. So, pretty much any of those. They’re bad. I’m not prepared to eat most of them. There’s one I do buy that’s got a sort of smoked chili flavour.

JH: Love it. I mean, I don’t know. I’m not a cheese connoisseur but I fucking love a Ploughman’s, mate. *RH asks whether JH prefers Cheddar or Stilton cheese.* Cheddar. Yeah, Cheddar cheese. I hate Edam. I don’t like Edam at all. I just don’t see the fascination. I dont see the point of Edam cheese. It’s awful. I suppose I’d eat it. I mean, are we at knife… Why do we have to eat this cheese? *RH asks whether JH has tried an Edam cheese toastie.* No. *RH encourages JH to try it.* Okay.


This episode was released out of the order in which they were recorded. There are multiple call-backs to episode 415, which was released some weeks prior.

RH tells a story about being on a walk on a dark night and possibly having seen a mother and her two children in slightly out-of-date clothes. RH notes that when he looked a second time they were gone.