Title: Dick Pikachus

acast Time: 59:55
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: January 18, 2023
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s come up with a new fruit-naming system.

Acronym Modification
N/A

Cool Kids
I was talking to a flash mob the other day. Remember flash mobs? They said they all called it… and then the did quite an annoying dance.

Guest Best Known
For playing the Female Compère in Connie.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yes, I have seen a ghost. No, I felt the presence of a ghost. And this is the ghost that’s at the pub. The ghost I called “Laura.” I don’t know if it was a woman or a man or non-binary. It could be anything, but the ghost was the and occasionally we’d have a conversation. The ghost didn’t respond back to me; obviously, it’s a ghost. I did definitely feel the presence of a ghost. However, I do feel it’s very interesting that the ghost did haunt the pub and not my flat. I’ve never seen anyone that’s had a flat ghost. Pubs and houses. I don’t know what the deal is. Is the flat too small? Is there no attic? *RH surmises that ghosts hang out in pubs because they’re alcoholic.* I think Laura probably was an alcoholic; most people who go to the pub are.

Which toy did you always want for Christmas but never received?

A Barbie. I got a Sindy. Yeah, remember those, right? I always wanted a Barbie when I was younger and my mum would always do the opposite and I got a Sindy. And Sindy was the side bitch for me. She wasn’t the same par as Barbie, was she? She wasn’t the same par, so I was kind of like, “Thanks, Mum, but this isn’t what I wanted.” Sindy lasted, like, two days, and then she fell out the window. *RH asks whether S has since bought a Barbie* No, actually, I haven’t bought a Barbie. I’m [unclear] about the Barbie movie. I’m [unclear] about that, but I haven’t bought myself a Barbie. I was tempted. I did go to Hamleys one day and it had a big old Barbie collection. I was a bit in awe but also a bit overwhelmed because I was a bit, like, What Barbie would I pick? There’s so many. But I haven’t bought a Barbie. I have bought my godchildren Barbies though. Because they obviously now come in different styles. It’s very different now than it was before. They come in different styles. One’s got an afro, so I got my godchildren one of those, just to make sure they know that we can be Barbies. Yes. Wakanda forever.

If you had to have sex with a right-wing politician, if you had to, which Tory, right-wing politician would you have sex with?

Oh, man. Really? What, Satan? Oh, I don’t know many… Who’s right-wing? *RH suggests Nigel Farage.* Oh, no no no. I would rather kill myself than go right-wing. However, I would agree. I think I listened to that episode that you did with James Acaster. Yeah, I was playing Pokémon at the same time. It was great. Because that’s one of my favourite hobbies to do – play Pokémon. But I was playing Pokémon, listening to your podcast, and, um… You lot had mentioned about the two women. Priti Patel. I didn’t really agree with the latter, but Priti: fair play. I would do Priti. I would do Priti. Yeah, I would do her. Teach her some things about immigration. Let’s talk about your ancestry, shall we? Yeah, let’s do that.

Do you have any clear childhood memories that simply can’t be true?

I used to be a witch. Yeah, I used to be a witch. *RH asks whether this is a memory or a confession.* It’s both. I used to be a witch and my best spell was making my teacher – I’m not going to name names, because apparently they’re still at this school – no longer have smelly breath. I did that. How? Chewing gum. Yeah, I used to be a witch, so I would cast spells on people… In, like, not in a bad way or an evil way, but, like, just, like, making sure that people’s lives were better. And I stopped doing that when I was 15. Because magic had to die. But yeah, I really enjoyed doing that actually. I might go back into it considering this political party, and see if I can change some things in the Tory government. I love superhero stuff, I love, like, fantasy stuff and witchcraft stuff. I’m a big, like, nerd at times when it comes to, like, especially wrestling. So I used to, like, I really wanted to be a manager for wrestling. Okay, I clocked why you laughed. Okay, a manager of a wrestler. I’m not good with words. Yeah, because it used to be a fantasty of mine, but getting into it was so hard. And it was quite painful to do. I tried to wrestle at times and it was just very painful.

If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?

For some reason, in my head I really want to say Pikachu. Yeah, actually. Yea, I think I want to come out as Pikachu. I think I do want to come out as Pikachu. I think I just want to be like, “Pika! Pika!” And have no fear. And just be, like, electrocuting everyone I see. If you touch me I electrocute you. I think I want to do that. Pikachu is the cutest one, apart from Eevee, but yeah. They are everywhere. Yeah, they are everywhere to be honest, but they are, like… original. They’re original. And I like original. The fan favourite, I would say.

If you had to have sex with a Pokémon – if you had to – which Pokémon would you have sex with?

Oh, it would be Onix. It would be Onix. Onix is rock.

Who’s the most surprising famous person you’ve been in a lift with? And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.

Oh, yes actually. Rick Flair. Wooo! Wrestler. Yeah, I happened to be in the same building that he was […] because I was recording something. And I didn’t realize that he was in the building. I was in the lift, went to the toilet, got lost because it was a maze. And it was a time when you have to follow the arrows. So I got lost in this building, ended up back in the lift. And then the lift stopped, doors open, Rick Flair comes in with, like, two bodyguards around him. And I was literally in the corner going *makes some sort of body movement*. And in my head I was going, Don’t “Woo!” Don’t “Woo!” Don’t “Woo!” Don’t “Woo!” He’s probably going to punch you in the face. Don’t “Woo!” Don’t “Woo!” And literally held my breath until they got out, and I was like, Why did you not take a selfie? But he was filming something like a commercial. BT Sport commercial, at the time. So he’s probably the most famous person.

Notes

Multiple allusions to this episode being published out of order. This episode was recorded just after the most recent episode with James Acaster (episode 416).

RH notes that the audience is much better than “three months’ ago’s audience.”

RH states that the other day he did a gig in his village, where he performed almost all-new stand-up.

RH jokingly predicts that Ghislaine Maxwell will commit suicide in prison.

Right-wing sex question framed as the most right-wing person, rather than specifically politician.

At the 47:50 time mark, RH receives a telephone call.

RH expresses regret at not interacting with Rik Mayall when he ran into him at a petrol station.