Title: Sleeping Bag Vulva
acast Time: 1:00:03
Youtube Time: N/A
Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: March 8, 2023
Youtube Publication Date: N/A
Please Welcome a Man
Who has reneged on his Valentine’s Day promise.
I was talking to Adam and Joe the other day. Do you remember them, from the nineties? They were good, weren’t they?
Guest Best Known
For her appearance on Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud. She was also in The Greatest TV Christmas Ads. It was a very hard choice.
Better or Worse than Last Week: Much better than next week’s audience
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A
Member Member Note
If you could go into a chrysalis and turn into anything else – you can melt in there if you want – and you still have your memories, what would you turn into on the other side?
I think a snow leopard. Yeah, very beautiful; quite rare. Can shift, quite strong, lovely eyes. Nice coat, nice coat. I think I’d quite fancy that. It’d scare the shit out of the children that were expecting a butterfly, in primary school. And I think I’d do it just for that, as well. Just to see six year-olds absolutely cack their pants as an unexpected snow leopard pounced on the teacher’s desk. I think it’d be quite a small chrysalis and then they’d be really surprised. Like one of those indoor fireworks. Like, wow, full-sze snow leopard.
If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?
I’d like to have the, uh, triptych of Hieronymus Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights. Yeah, I’ve gone quite serious with that one. Because it’s like an incredible medieval Where’s Wally? Because you just keep going, “Oh look, there’s a lady with a dick on her head. Oh, there’s a fish with rabbit legs.” I find him fascinating. Because I saw it in the Prado in Madrid, but obviously there’s a big group of people all around it and you’re like, “Get out of the way.” Because you really want to have a proper look at that. You want to get the magnifying glass out. You do wonder what he was on. Because no Internet; it all came from his mind. That’s incredible if you… And God, there must have been some toxic paints he was sniffing or something. Like, the sort of medieval equivalent of sniffing Sharpies or something because he just… madness. Beautiful, beautiful madness. So I’ll have that up in the living room and then every now and again just go over and look. Wander over and go, “Oh look, there’s a man with an arrow going through his nose and a fish up his bottom.” Wonder what that signifies. Means something to someone, doesn’t it?
Would you rather date a woman who was a 6-foot tall vulva, or a woman who instead of having a vagina had another tiny woman in her place?
Now, the number of times thi has happened to me and I’ve been in this situation… Um, I think only because of, um, a scene from Mulholland Drive – the David Lynch film – where there were the tiny, little figures behind the door and it really unsettled me. I think the tiny, little woman in the vulva – I’d never go there. Just because it would seem a little bit haunted. So I’d rather stride about town with a six-foot vulva. Well, listen. I mean, also it doubles up. Know what you’re hitting, for a start. And if you get on tour, makes a lovely sleeping bag. Oh yeah. Comes with its own hoodie. […] Would it come with legs? *RH confirms there would be no legs.* Shuffle around. Okay, that’s fine. I’d prefer that to the little one. That’s just weird, the little one. *RH notes that the second option would be akin to a threesome during each sexual encounter.* No, not in an equal way, no. They’d just be sitting watching like my Jack Russell does.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
I’ve seen a poltergeist. *RH confirms that this qualifies as a ghost.* Is it? Is it, or is it energy that sort of manifested externally? I saw a poltergeist when I was at university and my friends Paula, Penny, and I were in another girl’s room who was… She was very ethereal. She had a very ethereal way about her. She used to sort of… She would drape things over her lamps to give it a sort of… you know, in her student accommodations to give a short of – I don’t know – a more sophisticated feel. She was very, very, very intelligent and, you know, slightly odd. And we were in her room one night, the four of us. And she was at her desk – and it was thundering and lightning outside. And at one point we were chatting and she did have this incredible aura, this energy. And at one point we were chatting and a box flew off the top of her wardrobe, landed on the floor, and then moved across the floor rapidly about six or seven times. And myself and my two friends, Penny and Paula, we always talk about it whenever we meet up. We go, “Did this happen?” We all go, “It did happen.” And it stopped; it stopped in the middle of the floor. And my friend, who was the ethereal spirit, just looked at it and went, “Oh God, not again.” And it turned out that she had been bothered with poltergeists.” I’m glad the three of us were there because otherwise… *RH asks whether ZL and her friends had used drugs.* No. Well, probably one of the days we weren’t. No, probably one of the days we weren’t. The bong was very much in the cupboard. It was, yeah, it was very, very odd. Very strange.
This is ZL’s second appearance.
This interview marks the first time ZL removed her hat onstage to reveal her alopecia.
The dating a woman question is framed as the tiny woman living in a burrow where the vagina would be.