Title: Cucumber Coward
acast Time: 55:49
Youtube Time: N/A
Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: May 3, 2023
Youtube Publication Date: N/A
Please Welcome a Man
Who’s risen from his death bed to see you.
I was hanging around with Inch High, Private Eye. Scraping the bottom of the barrel there. There’s people my age who will have no idea what that is. I don’t know why I’m even looking at you. Remember Inch High, Private Eye?
Guest Best Known
For his appearance as Teddy in Footballers Wives.
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
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Member Member Note
David Frew RH accuses him of heckling too much confirms that he is drunk
Artificial Intelligence: If you were stuck in a lift with a sentient jar of pickles that claimed to be your long-lost brother, would you believe him? And if so, would you risk tasting his briny essence to confirm his identity or would you prefer to remain a cucumber coward?
Uh, yes or no. Why would this briny essence confirm that he was my long-lost brother? You see, they’re not going to take over the world. That’s not the Turing test, is it?
Robin Askwith: Ask him if he enjoyed The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui at the Darlington Hippodrome in 1982.
He know I did, because it was a formative experience for me. Robin Askwith, of the Confessions films, was in Brecht’s The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui, which I saw on a school trip, and he was absolutely brilliant. And I’ve never forgotten it. And it ends – You know the bit at the end where he pulls off the moustache; talks about fascism and the beast that bore her is on heat again? Really stayed with me. Brilliant. He’s a really good actor.
Artificial Intelligence: What would be a good emergency use for a giant Toblerone?
Um, Home Secretary.
Artificial Intelligence: If you had to create a new kind of breakfast cereal, what would you call it and what would it contain?
I had a dishoom breakfast the other day. Have you had one? Yes, you wouldn’t think about having an Indian for breakfast. It’s basically bacon and eggs – bacon and sausage roll – with chutney. It was lovely. That’s not a cereal, is it? Well, I imagine they’ve all been thought of. *RH muses whether a curry-flavoured cereal was already available.* I wouldn’t do that. Are there any missing cereals? Cereal crops? I’ve thought of one, but I can’t say. *RH asks why not.* Well, it would be awful. Well, there is indeed no rape cereal, is there? You see?
Artificial Intelligence: If you were to give a cat a human voice, what would it sound like if it sang the national anthem?
What voice would it have? No, that’s very strange.
Artificial Intelligence: If a monkey had a magic wand and the ability to cast spells, could they use if to create a portal to a parallel dimension that they would then be able to control the inhabitants of that dimension, or would they be subject to the magical creatures of that said dimension.
It’s a yes or no question. *RH suggests that we should not give monkeys magical powers.* Yes. Do you believe in the multiverse? […] I think it’s interesting. I talked to a physicist once about it and about quantum theory and I said to him, “Does everyone – Do you believe it?” And he went, “Yeah, of course.” But he said, “You can’t go to work thinking about it because, because you wouldn’t get through the day.” It’s such a head fuck that you just have to go, “Well, this is our one.” But in a way, it sort of – It does explain an awful lot of things which are inexplicable, like ghosts and things. Or time tracks and that sort of stuff. It seems to be feasible.
This is MG’s second appearance.
RH notes that he is feeling ill. RH recorded four podcast episodes the week prior, which he suggests may have been too many podcasts.
Fan Chris Cooper sent RH the following AI-generated emergency question: If you were stuck in a lift with a sentient jar of pickles that claimed to be your long-lost brother, would you believe him? And if so, would you risk tasting his briny essence to confirm his identity or would you prefer to remain a cucumber coward?
RH asked ChatGPT whether it would be considered cheating to have sex with ChatGPT. ChatGPT confirmed it would not be cheating as ChatGPT is not a real person.
RH asks ChatGPT to come up with a monologue, which he reads out.
RH has ChatGPT create a question specifically for MG. ChatGPT’s question is “What is your favourite episode of Sherlock that you wrote or acted in?,” but RH does not ask MG to respond because he thinks it’s a poor question.
RH has ChatGPT create a question specifically for MG. ChatGPT’s question is “What is your favourite memory of working with the cast and crew of Sherlock?,” but RH does not ask MG to respond because he thinks it’s a poor question.