A reference resource for Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast

Cool Kids

“Cool Kids” introduced in episode 76.

Episode Guest Cool Kids
76 Bridget Christie Some kids skateboarding.
77 Brett Goldstein I was down in the west bank of the Seine – that’s a thing – and all the kids there, they were French kids in berets.
78 Paul Sinha I was down at the skateboard rink. The rink where they do skateboarding. I was doing some skateboarding around. Some of the kids – they didn’t know it was me, they were all listening on their Sony Walkmans.
79 Al Murray In Shoreditch.
80 Limmy I was down at the ice bar in London where everything is made of ice.
81 Joe Lycett N/A
82 Stuart Goldsmith I was down at the skateboard park. Just on the south bank.
83 Diane Morgan N/A
84 Lee Mack I was at a pop concert, a Mick Jagger concert.
85 Janey Godley N/A
86 Robert Popper I was down at the Arctic Monkeys gig.
87 Luisa Omielan N/A
88 John Finnemore I was in that cereal café in Hoxton.
89 Sarah Kendall I was at a Take That concert.
90 Eddie Izzard N/A
91 Phill Jupitus I was at a cool place.
92 Jack Whitehall I was down at the Bad Education film premiere.
93 John Robins I was at Big Al’s on Happy Days in the bar in the 1950’s. I was in the toilet and a man came in wearing a leather jacket.
94 David Mitchell N/A
95 Hal Cruttenden I was down at the Apple store.
96 Scroobius Pip There will be some cool kids watching today because we have someone cool on.
97 Aisling Bea I was playing on the Xbox. I was playing Metal Gear 5. Some of the cool kids, you know, they can talk to you on it.
98 Ray Peacock The Indian fans of the show.
99 Cariad Lloyd I was hanging around at… *shrugs*. Should think of some cool places before I start. Winter Wonderland, I was hanging around. I was hanging around at the climate change march at Trafalgar Square.
100 Richard Bacon A lot of 8 year-old girls would hang around at eye-level.
101 Iain Lee Down at the disco. There were some kids on roller blades. They had headbands on.
102 Tony Law I was down at Laser Quest. Pew! Pew!
103 Lauren Laverne At a breakdancing competition on Saturday. Down in the National Theatre and those places down there.
104 Ben Bailey Smith I was down at the arcade playing Space Invaders and Pac-Man. One of the kids on the Gauntlet II machine. He was really good at it.
105 Marcus Brigstocke I was down at a 5ive gig the other day. And some of the fans of them, some middle-aged women now.
106 David Cross I was down at the Rubik’s cube championship. The kid who could do it the quickest; he did it in, like, two seconds.
107 Vic Reeves Down at the old surfing beach. It’s in Cornwall.
108 Susie Dent I was down at the petrol station. There were some kids drinking Quatro. There’s four different flavours in one drink.
109 Nish Kumar I was in Milwaukee the other day with the Fonze. He was around. I was talking to Richie Cunningham and Ralph, his mate he hangs around with. And the Fonze doesn’t call it this, but they…
110 Matthew Crosby I was near Byker Grove the other day. PJ and Duncan are a couple of the lads there. They were doing a rap – it was about a podcast. Spuggy didn’t.
111 Graham Linehan I was on the set of Tron this week. Don’t you remember the film Tron? I was on the set of it – still open and everything. They’re just waiting to see if they get another one. All the men who drive around – they still drive around on those motorcycles.
112 Sofie Hagen I was at the hacky sack world championships. Those guys  – amazing, huh? They can kick a little thing, like whoa!
113 Russell Kane I was hanging out with the guys from East 17. You know the two guys at the back?
114 Tim Minchin I was at my huck-a-buck lesson. The huck-a-buck dancing class I go to. They teach you how to do the huck-a-buck.
115 Tom Parry Lee Ryan.
116 Elis James I was out in the streets and there was a forty year-old man in a suit playing Pokemon Go.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Dave Taylor I was down at KitKat Crescent from five years ago.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Mark Addy I was down at with the Sheriff of York. He’s quite an evil guy.
Podcast Festival Extra Dan Schreiber I was down in the toilets with Zammo the other day. We were drinking some heroins.
117 Armando Iannucci I was down at the Junior Gazette the other day. There’s a guy there name Colin; he’s really cool.
118 Hans Teeuwen I was down, uh, at some kind of place where people do skipping. And there were some kids doing the double dutch form of skipping, which is particularly popular at the moment with Malcolm McLaren.
119 Dane Baptiste I was in a fridge the other day and the milk in there was quite cool.
120 Caitlin Moran I was in Xanadu with Olivia Newton John the other day. She had all those things ’round her head that’s cool.
121 Will Smith I was down with Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Remember them? They were good. And the lead singer had a t-shirt that said, ”Frankie Says AIOTM”.
122 Tony Robinson I was talking to H from Steps. Do you know what the H stood for? No, it wasn’t – it was “Hyperactive”.
123 Kerry Godliman I met Vanilla Ice the other day. I don’t know if you remember him.
124 Chris Addison I was talking to Teddy Ruxpin the other day. You remember. The talking teddy, wasn’t he?
125 Ed Gamble I was in Wolverhampton the other day. There’s no one cool there, is there? I was in Middlesbrough.
126 Deborah Frances-White I was hanging out with Avril Lavigne. She’s got this boyfriend, he’s, uh, he’s going on skateboards. So much she calls him Sk8er Boi.
127 Dawn French I was hanging out with the Blazin’ Squad. They were always hanging out at the crossroads. They love it down there.
128 Tom Davis I was talking to Dave Prowse the other day. Not dressed as Darth Vader, he was dressed as the Green Cross Code man. He told me to take care crossing the road because he wouldn’t be there the next time I crossed the road.
129 Susan Calman I saw some kids down at the local library playing with a Rubik’s Snake.
130 Jess Thom I was playing Mouse Trap with some kids. When I say playing Mouse Trap – we just set up mouse, we didn’t play the game.
131 Sarah Millican I was down at Shrek Adventure London. It’s good, they put a Shrek in it. There was a man dressed as a Shrek there.
132 Simon Munnery I was hanging out at the clothes shop where Ben the producer gets all of his gear. There were a lot of young people in there, kind of surfer kids.
133 Lucy Porter I was down at the house where The Apprentice candidates hang out.
134 Peter Serafinowicz I was down at a recording of As It Occurs To Me. A lot of cool kids hang out down there.
Wells Comedy Festival Bec Hill I was down at the Wells Odeon Cinema in 1984, when it still existed, watching a double-bill of The Other Cinderella, a soft-porn film about the Cinderella story, and Kentucky Fried Movie, which was a movie by the Zucker Brothers who went on to do Airplane! There were fourteen year-old kids in there who got in by pretending to be eighteen.
135 Paul Merton I was hanging around with Plat’num from, I hardly need to tell you, from the Blazin’ Squad. We met down by the crossroads.
136 Joe Thomas I was down, uh, at , uh, uh, some… I was down at a place with some young kids and they were doing the Harlem Shake.
137 Jessica Knappett I was down at the Saturday Superstore, hanging around with Mike Read. Not that one, the other one. The one who’s still alive – the racist one. The Calypso one.
138 Adam Buxton I was at the Virgin Megastore the other day. Hanging out, playing Addams Family pinball in the basement with some Dutch tourists.
139 Zoe Lyons I was outside BOOKS Etc. the other day, queuing up. Queuing up with some of the other people for the new Harry Potter release. We were all waiting outside for the next one to come out. It’s not been announced, but we’re just waiting in case. And there was a kid there dressed up as Hagrid – he was about five.
140 Andrew Collins I was on Napster the other day downloading some stuff.
141 David Baddiel I was talking to Dappy from N-Dubz today – he’s quite depressed. He was in prison.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Rahul Kohli / Martin Barrass I was down at Bootham Crescent the other day. The youth York City team, who to be honest are the only decent team in this city.
142 Brendon Burns & Craig Quartermaine I was down at a recording of the TV show This Morning With Richard Not Judy the other day.
143 Dan Skinner I was making a sex tape with Paris Hilton the other day.
144 Katy Brand I was at the air guitar championships the other day with Jessica Knappett’s husband.
145 Julian Clary I was in a solarium the other day. I was having a tan. All the ladies there.
146 Limmy I was in LazyTown the other day. And I was talking to Sportacus from LazyTown. Remember LazyTown?
147 Arthur Smith I was talking to some of the Crazy Crocos recently, who you may remember in the 1990’s were the figures given away in Kinder Eggs. They were very populat. And though none of them can actually literally speak, I did feel that they would.
148 Robert Webb I was following the Hofmeister Bear the other day. He’s a pretty cool guy, got a hat and everything, hasn’t he?
149 Ed Byrne I was on the set of Cheggers Plays Pop the other day. It’s still going, just they’ve got the same  – a very old Keith Chegwin and some of the kids who just never got home. There’s a lot of those at the BBC in the 1970’s.
150 Sara Pascoe I was hanging around with the American alternative hip hop duo The Cool Kids the other day.
151 Ellie Taylor I saw a man talking – he was texting, actually, on his Nokia 3310. I was looking over his shoulder and quite cleverly he shortened that.
152 Armando Iannucci I was talking to the, the, uh, man who invented Slush Puppies the other day. Ian Slushpuppy, he’s called. Well, actually he only invented the raspberry flavour. But how did he think of making it blue? Why?
153 Rachel Parris I was flying drones down by Heathrow Airport with a lot of middle-aged guys getting together on a Sunday just to fly a drone near to an airplane.
154 John Moloney I was opening a bank account at Giro Bank. Open your bank account with National Giro Bank. You get a chequebook and everything. The woman serving me.
155 Jan Ravens I saw Duncan from Blue in Crewe. He only goes to places that rhyme with his name now. I was on a train he was in Crewe station.
156 Ed Miliband & Geoff Lloyd I was hanging out with the puppets from The Herbs today who have recently been rediscovered in a box.
157 Greg Jenner I was playing . Remember Magna Doodle? I mentioned it last week; you should have been listening. It’s like Etch-a-Sketch but it never caught on. Some children playing that.
158 Simon Brodkin I was hanging out with Ubercorn from the Go Jetters. He’s like a disco unicorn who makes the world revolve.
159 Richard Osman I was talking to the fake Paul McCartney the other day. The original one died in a car crash in 1963 and this guy was drafted. He was lucky; they just rang him up and said, “Oh, Paul McCartney just died. You look a bit like him. Will you come and be in the Beatles?” He said, “Yeah, I’ve got nothing else on.”
160 Reginald D. Hunter I was hanging around with Andy from Andy’s Dinosaur Adventures. He’s also in Andy’s Prehistoric Adventures, which is not as good. It is the biggest misuse of time travel technology there has ever been, what Andy is doing in those dinosaur adventures.
161 Johann Hari N/A
162 Katy Wix I was talking to a guy down at the hospital; he had an eel – it was a living eel – but it was inside his anal passage.
163 Paul Chowdhry I was talking to David Sneddon the other day. Remember David Sneddon, mate? David Sneddon! He won the, uh, first Fame Academy, you remember?
164 Dave Gorman I was talking to my Alexa device. And it’s pretty cool – it’s a pretty cool device. You can say stuff to it and, uh, it will do the things. And you can say, “Alexa, give me an emergency question.” And if you’ve downloaded the emergency questions app it will give you an emergency question. I think I might just film that and then we can cut to that doing that; it’s quite freaky. Anyway, Alexa, my best friend who is a robot voice covered in semen. It’s in the kitchen but I still manage. It’s alright if it’s a robot; those are the rules. That’s the new rules.
165 Kathy Burke I was hanging out with some of the fans of Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle. Those guys, they’re so with it. They really know what good comedy’s about, those guys. They know about comedy, as long as it’s explained to them what the joke is, they’re fine. If you don’t explain it they can’t understand why it’s clever. But if you tell them it’s clever, then they go, “Oh, I’m clever for liking this.”
166 Adam Kay I was hanging around with the kids from the Belfast Why Don’t You? gang.
167 John Robins & Elis James I was with the editorial team of Smut magazine. Remember Smut magazine, David? Remember Viz magazine – they were there as well?
168 Danielle Ward The other day I was talking to some of John Robins’s and Elis James’s PCD’s. Pretty cool lot of people, I think you’ll agree. And not sad idiots who like a pair of losers.
169 Trev & Simon I was in Castle Grayskull the other day. I was talking to whatever He-Man’s cat is called. What is that cat called? Battle Cat – that’s when he’s changed. Cringer – that’s what I was thinking of.
170 Jess Phillips I was hanging around with Men in Trousers the other day. You’ll remember they took over from Trevor and Simon on Live and Kicking.
171 Mackenzie Crook I was playing Hungry Hippos the other day. That’s not the cool bit, that’s not cool. I was playing it with the bloke and the woman from off of the Mastermind box. Yeah, they’re pretty cool.
172 All Killa No Filla I was at a meeting of all the ex-leaders  of UKIP the other day. They call it Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcast.
173 Katherine Ryan I was talking to the four men who actually celebrate International Men’s Day the other day. They’re a good lot of guys.
174 Peter Baynham I was hanging around with CJ de Mooi when he was in a pantomime. It was fine, there were no canals.
175 Brian Blessed I was talking to the porn actor Jean Val Jean last week. He looks very much like Peter Baynham, last week’s guest.
176 Pippa Evans I was talking to Brian Blessed the other week.
177 Maria Bamford I was on Finders Keepers the other day. The Richard Stilgoe version, not the Neil Buchanan ’90’s hybrid.
178 Sophie Willan I was hanging around with B*Witched the other day. You know, Edele, Keavy, Lindsay, and Sinéad. Shane from Boyzone was trying to get in but we said, “You’re not allowed in here, mate. It’s just for cool people.” He’s the brother of the twins – come on, get with it.
179 Desiree Burch I was hanging out with the lady from the Shake n’ Vac advert. I have a feeling I’ve done her before, in this context. She doesn’t even use Shake n’ Vac when she vacuums, she just vacuums, like, normally. I mean, why would you put more stuff on the floor? It was a bad idea.
180 Al Murray I was hanging out with the Wolf of Wallstreet the other day. The guy the film was based on. I was eating some cocaines off a prostitute’s bottom. I found the whole experience quite unhygenic, if I’m honest.
181 My Dad Wrote a Porno I was talking to John from the original Tomorrow People. God, no one remembers him. He was also apparently in Beadle’s About.
182 Mark Steel I was talking to some fans of As It Occurs to Me, the 2011 podcast series.
Machynlleth Special Jessica Fostekew / Holly Burn I was hanging around the Centre for Alternative Technology.
183 Jonathan Ames I was hanging around with Kell from Kenan and Kell the other day. Things are going alright for him.
184 Alex Horne I was hanging around with Shampoo the other day. You may remember the early 1990’s girl group.
185 Ross Noble I was hanging around with, um, the cast of The Double Deckers today. They’ve grown up. Peter Firth was there. And the other ones.
Manchester Special Toby Hadoke I was playing a beer pong tourney at Crazy Pedro’s Pizza Parlour and I was talking to Crazy Pedro.
186 Lou Sanders I was hanging around with the Spin Doctors. Remember the Spin Doctors? Long time since we’ve heard from them. I was buying him flowers, I was talking for hours to them. They go, “We’re not going to shag you! Stop doing that!” “No, I thought you were happy to talk.”
Manchester Special Glenn Wool I was hanging out down at the John Rylands Library. Some good manuscripts down there. A lot of the guys down there, pouring over those.
187 Alice Lowe I was hanging around with, um, the guys from Scouting for Girls the other day. Not the singer, the other two blokes. They’re good lads.
188 Jess Robinson I was hanging around with some old-school Doctor Who fans today, who strongly feel the series should retain realism. The magic alien time traveller must have a penis. They strongly feel that, even though we never saw it so far. There might come an adventure where a Dalek needs to be fucked or something. And what are you going to do if it’s a woman?
189 Drunk Women Solving Crime I was hanging around in Gateways in Cheddar. I was buying a family pack of Trios. Remember the old Trios? Remember them – the Trio bar? And I got it, it didn’t have any biscuit in it. It was the best day of my life. Steve Rowland, who worked at Cheddar Gateways in 1981.
190 Greg Davies I was hanging around with the Baader Meinhof gang. They are not as much fun as it makes them sound, I have to say. They were quite unpleasant. Quite unpleasant people in many ways.
191 Rose Matafeo I was talking to John Dalton the other day, who, I hardly need remind you, whose model of the atom held that atoms were indivisible and indestructible and that all atoms are of a given element are identical in mass.
192 Nish Kumar I was inhaling gas with the Priestess Pythia. I’m still drunk from last week. I didn’t think about how hard it would be to say “the Priestess Pythia” when I wrote this down. The Oracle of Delphi, as you know, she predicted.
193 James O’Brien I was hanging around with Lee Lard the other day. He’s the guy who does the Peter Kay tribute act. He does a tribute act to him. So he does another comedian’s act; that’s his act. I was meeting up with him to see if I could do a Lee Lard tribute act. He said he wouldn’t allow it. He said it was wrong, just to copy someone else. He’s a hypocrite in many ways.
194 Amanda Abbington I was talking to Perkin Warbeck and Lambert Simnel the other day; the pretenders to the throne of Henry VII. I hardly need to tell you.
195 Joe Lycett I was talking to Neil Kinnock at the Sheffield Rally on the first of April, 1992. He also said, “We’re alright! We’re alright! We’re alright!” That’s what he also said. People mainly remember that from that.
196 Fingers on Buzzers I was talking to Eddie “the Eagle” Edwards the other day. We went skiing together.
197 Rick Edwards I was hanging around with Spanky McFarland the other day. Yes, that’s right, the character from the 1920’s Our Gang, that then became The Little Rascals. That’s right. I’m surprised that reference didn’t get more.
198 Sanjeev Bhaskar I was talking to Beau Brummell the other day, the dandy. That dandy guy, was very cool back in the day or whatever. I was meant to research him on Wikipedia and find out when he was from.
199 Terry Hall I was hanging around with Rachel Riley, Katie Derham, and JB from JLS this week. They seemed a bit grumpy about something, annoyed with me.
200 Adam Buxton I was hanging around with the Fun Boy Three and Bananarama in 1982. It might have just been some people from my school in a dark room in an attic and they were all kissing but I was just looking at them.
201 Sathnam Sanghera I was hanging around Bilston Craft Gallery earlier today. It’s the largest dedicated craft venue in the West Midlands, I don’t know if you know that. I was from Liam from One Direction; he was hanging around. He’s from Wolverhampton.
Slapstick Festival Special Tim Vine N/A
Slapstick Festival Special Damon Beesley & Joe Thomas N/A
Slapstick Festival Special The Goodies N/A
202 Jon Ronson I was hanging around with the European Research Group the other day and Jacob Rees-Mogg.
203 Emily Atack I was hanging around with the Goodies the other week. I don’t know if you remember the Goodies. They drive a trandem. Who remembers the Goodies, eating Spangles?
204 Rob Brydon I was talking to Matt and Luke Goss off of Bros the other day. And Matt from Bros…
205 David Morrissey I was looking at pornographic versions of the astrology signs in the window of a video shop with my French exchange student. Nicola, he’s called.
206 Peter Lord I was hanging around at the pump rooms at the Roman baths. It turns out they don’t like you farting at all. It’s strange, isn’t it?
207 Kerry Howard I was at the Herschel Museum of Astronomy in Bath just before this show. You know Uranus was discovered in Bath – did you know that? […] I was hanging out with some of the guys from the William Herschel Society.
208 James Acaster I was hanging around with the Independent Group – today it was, actually. This podcast isn’t going to go out for two months, and the people at home probably won’t remember what that is. That’s my guess. And Mike Gapes… Chuck Umunna won’t call it that. He says he’s too cool to call it that.
209 London Hughes N/A
210 Suzi Ruffell I was talking to the man who pretends to be Pikachu in Leicester Square.
211 Joel Dommett I was talking to some Klingon-speaking Star Trek fans. They said, *speaks in Klingon,* which means “Where’s the bathroom?” But when they came back…
212 Matt Forde I was running with the bulls of Pamplona. One of the bulls gouged a drunk man to death and stamped on his skull.
213 Les Dennis I was playing badminton with some of the kids who had notes from the doctor saying they didn’t have to do proper games.
214 Matt Lucas I was talking to a man I met who works in a castle and has one of those really big piercings in his earlobe.
215 Rosie Jones I was talking to Toploader the other day. They still call it Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcast. No, get with the times. That’s not what it’s called. But Lulu calls it…
216 Tiff Stevenson I was on the dock with John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John the other day and they said if I would agree to leave them alone to make-out, that they would call it…
217 Adrian Chiles I was hanging out at Mr Egg the other day. Just, like, having a bit of an egg. Late-night hankering for an egg. The original Mr Egg was there – not the new one. The original Mr Egg; the good, the proper one.
218 Nicholas Parsons I was hanging out with some teenagers down at the shopping centre. They were wearing Heelys. And, uh, me too. We were kind of walking along like you always do, but every now and then we just kind of *makes breezing motion sound*.
219 Do the Right Thing I was talking to Crazy Frog the other day. Remember the crazy, crazy frog? He doesn’t go, “Ding ding.” That’s just the character he plays. In real life he’s just a regular frog. Normal guy.
Long Division Festival Special Kay Mellor I was hanging around in Morgana & Hellraiser in the Ridings Shopping Centre. I don’t go to Primark, mate, I go to Morgana & Hellraiser. And there was a bloke dressed up as a vampire in there.
220 Alice Roberts I was drinking absinthe with Guy de Maupassant and Ernest Hemingway the other day. Not when I started drinking the absinthe, but once I started they just appeared; started drinking with me.
Long Division Festival Special Rob Rouse I was in the Rhubarb Triangle actually this week. In grounds of the Pinderfields Hospital. And there were nine anti-social crimes in just January 2019 alone. There were some young kids there, mugging people.
221 No Such Thing As A Fish I was hanging around with the 1922 Committee the other day. No, they’re alright. They’re just a group of people who love 1922 and its events, like the formation of the USSR, the Irish Civil War – they love that, particularly like that – the creation of the Reader’s Digest. Anything that happened, as long as it happened in 1922 we all love it. I mean, who remembers the Fordney-McCumber Tariff Act? We all do.
Henley Festival Special Fiona Allen I was hanging around with the emoticon who wears the sunglasses. I don’t know if you know him.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Rebecca Callard I was talking to the York City Fan Club the other day. And he calls it…
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Laura Lexx / Tony Law I was hanging around at the Heart of Midlothian today. And all the people spitting on me…
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Lucy Beaumont / Scummy Mummies I was hanging out having dinner at the Only Fools and Horses, the (cushty) Dining Experience. It’s amazing. It’s like a load of people pretend to be the characters from Only Fools and Horses. The brilliant thing is they haven’t gotten permissions from any of the Only Fools and Horses people who created it. They just do it off their own back. That’s what’s really good about it. They don’t pay anyone for doing that. And it’s so funny to see them doing all of the stuff you’ve seen on Only Fools and Horses except worse. I had such a good time. The guy who plays Boycie in that…
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Jena Friedman / Phil Wang I was hanging out with the interchangeable three men sketch groups, whose posters is them pulling this exact face *pulls funny face*.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Sophie Duker / Vikki Stone I was hanging around with 30 to 50 feral hogs today.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Jayde Adams / David O’Doherty I was hanging out with Nica Burns and all the people who worked at the Edinburgh Fringe in the 80’s and 90’s for nothing and have managed to get brilliant jobs in theatre and the media and expect people today to do the same today without realizing that there are literally a hundred times more people up here and fewer jobs.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Snjólaug Lúðvíksdóttir / John Robins I was hanging out with all the middle-aged men who’ve come to Edinburgh to do chat shows, ’cause it’s easier than writing stand-up shows.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Spencer Jones / Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie I was hanging out with the Silent Disco walking tour today. They’re people with headphones. They go around singing and dancing in the streets but you can’t see what they’re singing and dancing to. I mean, it sounds obnoxious and horrible, doesn’t it? But it’s not; it’s really cool. Most of them are just listening to this podcast as they do it.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Steph Tisdell / Jen Brister I was crossing the Meadows just now. There were some guys playing five-a-side football against each other. The team that were wearing the yellow bibs…
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Isma Almas / Tony Slattery I was talking to Jeffrey Epstein’s prison guards the other day and they say they listen to the podcast a lot. They love it. […] And they said, “Actually, we better stop chatting and get back and see how things are getting on in the prison cell.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Lauren Pattison / Geoff Norcott I was talking to the cast of Taskmaster, series 9 the other day. I always turn up just in case.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Richard Osman I was talking to the Stewart Lee fans who were just leaving. They prefer kind of more mainstream stuff than this; TV comedian stuff. They can’t really bare a joke if it’s repeated for more than twenty minutes. So they can’t stand when one joke is stretched over seven or eight years. God, I hope they don’t find out about the stone-clearing podcast. It’s going to blow their minds. They don’t call it…
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Rob Auton / Lost Voice Guy I was chatting with the man who busks with a saxophone under the bridge on King’s Stables Road. I go past him every day. It’s not a heavy footfall down there. It’s an odd place to busk. He’s the kind of guy who goes, “No, I’m not doing this for money. I’m doing this for the love of busking. I don’t really want to get…” It’s just passing trade. I imagine it might be because under that bridge there’s quite a good echo, which makes him sound better than he is. But he is very cool.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Bryony Kimming / Arabella Weir I was talking to Stewart Little the other day – not that one. He’s a guy who’s found the largest-ever Frazzle in the world, allegedly.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Sunil Patel / Daliso Chaponda I was talking to the busker who stands on the Meadow as I walk past every day, singing I Really Hate Busking. I don’t know if you’ve seen that guy.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Fern Brady / Josie Long I was talking to Ned Ryerson on my walk here. Every day – you know, Ned Ryerson is an insurance salesman. Every day in the same place there’s a bit of a puddle in the pavement by where he is. To be honest, he’s getting on my nerves; I want to punch him in the face one of these days.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Rich Wilson / Sarah Kendall I was talking to the Amazing Bubble Man the other day. Aw fuck, man, that is a cool show.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Sukh Ojla / Tommy Tiernan I was talking to Barbara Dickson yesterday in my dressing room. She was in my – You know Barbara Dickson from The Two Ronnies? “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Barbara Dickson!” She must get that all the time. I really want to say “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Barbara Dickson.” She was there with her husband.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Susan Murray / Alice Fraser I was hanging around with all the nominees for the Perrier Awards – no, they don’t call them that anymore, do they? All the nominees for Dave’s Best Comedy Show at the Pleasance Award.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Susan Murray / Alice Fraser I was hanging around with all the nominees for the Perrier Awards – no, they don’t call them that anymore, do they? All the nominees for Dave’s Best Comedy Show at the Pleasance Award.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special George Egg / Cally Beaton I was hanging around with the Watch Gang the other day. I mentioned them, not by name. It’s an ad that pops up on Facebook. You can get a different designer luxury watch every month, they send you a new one every month. And there’s a box you can keep twelve in. I don’t know if you stay with them for more than a year if you get more. I would say it’s too many watches, for me personally. It’s almost too much to believe, isn’t it? It’s hard to believe. No, it’s easy to believe. It would be hard to believe if I didn’t have to pay for them, but I’m presuming. I haven’t clicked on to find out how much it costs, but I imagine a lot.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Thom Tuck / Tom Rosenthal I was talking to Magnum P.I. today and Joseph Stalin.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Flo & Joan / John Kearns I was talking to you, Liam, the other day. Liam’s been to 20 of the 21 Edinburgh Fringe shows. What do you call this podcast, Liam?
222 Angela Barnes I was hanging out on the British Airways i360 that has lost 3.8 million pounds this year. And its got a third of the visitors – it’s gone down a third of the visitors. There were two other people on there.
223 Stephen Grant I was hanging out at the Fingerprint Maze in Hove Park.
224 Mark Charnock & Dominic Brunt I was hanging out by the world’s tallest maypole in Barwick in Elmet the other day. Some people in the next village were trying to steal it but they couldn’t carry it and had to leave it in the road.
225 Jimmy Cricket I was hanging out in Fat Jackets at the Lowry out there. You’ve all eaten there. What better tribute is there to L. S. Lowry, than having a load of discount shops with a terrible car park named after him? And I lot of people in there looked like they could have been one of his paintings, as well.
226 Sarah Millican I was having out at the KFC, Salford drive-thru. There’s some nice guys down there. They had a military-grade hand grenade with them. Just larking about.
227 Russell Howard I was hanging out at King’s Cross Station just now. I was just in the queue to get my photo taken at Platform 9¾; I love it. And a 35 year-old man in a Hogwart’s scarf, eating Bertie Botts Beans…
228 Sara Barron I was hanging out on Platform 9 of King’s Cross Station the other day, with a man who’s try to dig up the skeleton of Boudica so he can have sex with it, he told me. It was a missed opportunity with Richard III, wasn’t it? Is that cheating – to have sex with a Boudica? I don’t know if it is. She’s dead already, it’s fine.
RHLSTPGF Deborah Frances-White & Siobhan McSweeney I was hanging out with the suffragettes the other day, who did a lot of work to get women the vote. And only a century later democracy has been fucked up by Boris Johnson. So you know, it’s fine. They gave up all that in order for Boris Johnson to fuck it up.
229 Michael Sheen I was hanging out at Arlington Court and the National Trust Carriage Museum near Barnstaple, on my holiday. And a man dressed up as a stagecoach driver…
230 Ed Gamble I was hanging down at Woolicum’s Surf Centre the other day. Trying to buy some surfing clothing because, uh, I sure love surfing. Surfing around. It’s not like peddling on one of those little peddle boat things. Not me; I say, why peddle around when you can go one a surf board? Doesn’t need to be peddled; just use the motion of the ocean. The guys in that shop…
231 Bobby Mair I was hanging out at Coventry Cathedral. And the Devil being stabbed by Saint Michael on the front of it…
232 Caroline Quentin I was hanging out at the Lady Godiva Clock, all the way over in Coventry; not in Warwick, like we are now. And Peeping Tom appeared out of the little window at the top. Not sure I approved of the way he’d been depicted.
233 Shaun Williamson I was hanging around outside Nason’s department store, waiting for it to open. The shutters were down; really strong shutters they’ve got there. There was a man playing a homemade guitar, electric guitar made out of a bit of wood, and another man – I may have dreamed this – who was selling the biggest shoe with a cat in a tiny deck chair beside him. Did anyone else see that? Is that a local character? Or was it a dog? Still, it was in a deck chair.
234 Vic Reeves I was hanging around at the Canterbury Tales Experience. Wonderful. It’s an interactive experience with shop window dummies in bad wigs. And an unemployed actress dressed as the Wife of Bath…
235 Max & Ivan I was hanging out on the Mathematical Bridge today in Cambridge, pointing out to everyone who passed that although wood is a weak material if subjected to bending, in this bridge design the timbers in the side trusses are subject to practically no bending force. The dominant centre force in the timbers is tangential to the arch is simple compression in which case wood is very strong. No one was interested, so I called it…
236 Grayson Perry I was hanging around in Eat because Pret a Manger’s closed. I never usually go to Eat but they call it…
237 Annabel Giles I was talking to the man dressed as Pikachu wandering around Brighton beachfront on a hot September afternoon today.
238 Ian McMillan I was hanging out at the Crucible today, playing snooker against myself – on a full-size board as well. It was terrible. Me 1 says…
239 Simon Evans I was hanging out at Roly’s Fudge Pantry, which I was disappointed to discover actually sells fudge. And Roly said…
240 Seann Walsh I was hanging out in Division Street earlier on and Jarvis Cocker fell out of a window pretending to be Spiderman. As he fell he said…
241 Jenny Eclair I was talking to Leicester Zombie Scavengers Experience. I don’t know if you’ve seen these guys. There’s a Leicester Zombie Scavengers Experience. How do they tell the difference? I mean, I’ve walked through Leicester. I mean, I don’t know if that was part of the game.
242 Graham Fellows I was hanging out on the Fish Trail and a carp on Alfred Gelder Street…
243 Grace Petrie I was hanging out at Richard III’s tomb today, earlier today. And the ghost of Richard III came out of the tomb and after saying that it was disgusting that he was buried in the place that he was buried in – that’s just insane. He said, “That’s so offensive to me. I’m from York. Why am I not in York? It’s like a punishment to me. People of Leicester disgust me.” He said he calls it…
244 Lucy Beaumont I was hanging out at Hull University the other day with the miserable, dead poet Philip Larkin; and he says it fucks you up, you’re…
245 Mark Olver I was talking to the first-ever bungee jumper. The first bungee jumper, he jumped off of the Clifton Suspension Bridge, as you know.
246 Jayde Adams I was talking to Ian Tarr the other day. He’s the guy who came up with Tarr’s Ice Cream.
247 Tape Face I was hanging out on Richmond Park the other day and a baby that had just been delivered by Brian Blessed – he was just spitting out its umbilical cord.
248 Nick Frost I was hanging around in the Railway Tavern in Richmond in 1994, playing the Addams Family pinball all day long on one go. One pound. I was very good at it. And during the Mamushka, Thing told me he calls it…
249 Ahir Shah I was hanging out in Winchester Pizza Express. And Kevin from Eggheads was sat at the next table. He’s in tonight. He was reading a book of facts while eating alone. But, you know, at least he wasn’t pushing anyone in a canal, so let’s not knock him.
250 John Kearns I was hanging out at Butter Cross just before the show. I was trying to dismantle it and take it to Cranbury Park. But all the locals got together and forced me to leave it where it was. I had to make my a replica. The people who stopped me…
251 Francesca Stavrakopoulou I was talking to Gus Honeybun the other day. He was doing some bunny hops with me and my friend Brian [unclear]; had Gus Honeybun on his eleventh birthday. A bit sad.
252 Mike Wozniak I went to sleep in a nice medieval house in Exeter in 1961 – not today – and when I woke up the whole thing had moved right down the street. And the man moving it along…
253 Dave Johns I was hanging around in Byker Grove – I mean it had to be, didn’t it? – the other day. And Spuggy was there. Spuggy was there. She’s now – she’s a middle-aged woman with four children. One of them who was, ironically, blinded by a paintball gun. You’d think she’d – of all the people you’d think she’d have learned. Anyway, Spuggy and three of her kids…
254 Seymour Mace I was talking to the Angel of the North the other day. He’s a big fan of the podcast. When I asked him how much he liked it, he said, *spreads arms*.
255 Robin Ince I was hanging out with the kids from Stranger Things the other day. […] Except for the one in the Upside-Down, who calls it Upside-down T, 7, H, Kind of Rabbit Ears. He doesn’t even need to turn his calculator upside-down. It always says “BOOBS” for him.
256 Athena Kugblenu I was hanging out with the Thundercats the other day. Just my luck I was tuck between Lion-o and Snarf; I hate Snarf.
257 David Reed I was hanging out at the Yorvik Viking Centre. I love going there because you can do farts in there and say it’s a smell from the olden days. If you smelled my farts today you’d find doubly funny, And a man dressed as an animatronic slave-trader… He wasn’t a man; he was an animatronic slave-trader.
258 Jon Parkin I was talking to the Duke of York the other day. Your Duke – Prince Andrew – the Duke of York – your duke.
259 Kate Robbins I was hanging out in Penny Lane the other day, funny enough, talking with the Beatles. Chatting to a barber showing photographs of every head he’s had the pleasure to know. I said, “What? You’ve taken a picture of every head who’s ever come in here? That’s a bit weird, isn’t it?” He said, “No, it’s just selection of photos to show what haircuts they could have.”
260 Frank Cottrell-Boyce I was hanging around with the fifth McGann brother the other day.
261 George Monbiot I was hanging out with the Bullingdon Club. There were three future PM’s smashing up restaurants and being rude to and afraid of women. And one of the homeless people they burned £50 notes in front of…
262 Paul Sinha I was hanging out in the Oxford Story – the fantastic – that I presume is still here, ’cause it was so amazing. I was there in 2007. It’s like a very slow roller coaster, where you travel around on a desk and look at a mannequin of Lewis Carroll in a bad wig. They should never have closed it down. This is worse than the Tales of Robin Hood. And a man pretending to be Percy Bysshe Shelley said he called it…
263 Tim Minchin I was talking to a bunch of chunky, bearded men who work in IT and stay away from social situations the other day.
264 Sara Pascoe I was hanging around with the Oxford University Orienteering Society the other day.
265 Janice Connolly I was hanging out at the Haçienda club. [Unclear] was there. Fiona Allen was on the coat check.
266 Bethany Black I was hanging out at Canal Street the other day. It was hard to find because someone had taken all the c’s and s’s off the sign. Not even a joke; it’s just true. I was in Vanilla, where I proved to be equally popular with the ladies than in any other bar in the world.
267 Rachel Parris I had some friends over to look at my lava lamp the other day. I just Googled “cool things from the 1960’s”. Mine is actually made of lava though, so it’s pretty exciting. And the lava formed the letters…
268 Charlie Brooker I was talking to Chorlton and the Wheelies the other day. And Fenella the Kettle Witch…
269 Olga Koch I was hanging around in the Ascension Parish Burial Ground the other day, near the grave of Ludwig Wittgenstein. His ghost appeared and said, “Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent, but I call it…”
270 Konnie Huq I was hanging around with Alan Measles the other day. You remember him from the RHLSTP that was ages ago.
271 Rev. Richard Coles I was hanging out at Althorp Park the other day and I saw a ghostly figure on the island in the middle of the lake. She said she called it…
272 Steve McNeil I was hanging around at Bletchley Park the other day. And the nerds who work there told me that what the Nazis call this is dependent on the settings on the Enigma machine. So what helped them crack the code is they realized they all called it…
273 Fern Brady I was hanging around at the Arlington Bar the other day, where the real Stone of Destiny was taken when it was stolen in 1951 by some students. And they claim that the one they gave back was a counterfeit copy and the real one sits on the bar of that pub. Do you know that? They gave the stupid Saxons the replica. A drunk man sitting at that bar who believes that story is true…
274 Limmy I was hanging around at the Big Hub in Bridgetown, as seen in the documentary Molly and Mack. And Mrs. Juniper, from the café, says that she calls it…
275 Michael Palin I was hanging around on Twitch yesterday. 329,000 people came on. They were just annoyed I wasn’t playing a game and talking about it.
276 Aisling Bea I was shaking my Magic 8-Ball yesterday and I asked it what it called it, and it said…
277 Adam Buxton I was hanging around with myself in self-isolation, and I call it…
278 Michael Spicer I was hanging around in Joe Wicks’s lounge the other day. I was hiding just to one side of the fireplace. He said, “What are you doing in here? You’re meant to be self-isolating.” I said, “Get out. Shut up.” He said he calls it…
279 Mark Watson I was talking to the old lady who drives a mobility scooter around the field where I do my stone-clearing this morning.
280 Bill Burr I was talking to Banksy the other day. He’s come up with an idea for a podcast; it’s called…
281 Robert Webb I was hanging around with some 4G conspiracy theorists. They’re great guys. 5G rather – conspiracy theorists. They think – and there were some 4G ones there as well. They weren’t as popular. And I said to them, “Do you not think it’s weird Boris Johnson has rolled out this 5G thing but then gets the coronavirus that’s caused it?” And they said, “No, that’s what they want you to think. That’s all part of it.” They had an answer for everything.
282 Kiri Pritchard-McLean I was hanging around with Professor Neil Ferguson the other day. You know, he’s the guy – he just came ’round to my house uninvited. He’s the guy who advised about lockdown, saying we should all stay in our houses, and then went out or his married lover came ’round. His married friend came over or he went over to hers. But they’re on the front pages of all the newspapers and, mate, she was worth losing a job for. That’s all I’m saying. High five, Neil Ferguson. You’re very cool.
283 James Acaster I was hanging out with Ian Oxygen the other day. He’s the guy who invented the O2 network.
284 Richard Osman I was hanging around with the creators of Scrabble GO, the new Scrabble app. Because I think what Scrabble really needed was loads of jewels and cartoons and potential dating opportunities in it. It just wasn’t good enough on its own. So I’m glad they ruined it by changing the app.
285 Greg Jenner I was hanging around at the Specsavers at Barnard Castle the other day and the man who does the eye tests…
286 Lauren Pattison I was hanging out with the crew of HMS Vigilant, the nuclear submarine, this week.
287 Maisie Adam I was hanging around with Daniel Rashford earlier today. I love old football, me. Kicking stuff around with the footballs. Old Daniel Rashford; he’s one of the good players, isn’t he? I love him. He calls it…
288 Nathan Caton I was hanging around with the rhinoceroses at Whipsnade Zoo today, and that is a cool animal. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a rhinoceros up close before but it is the coolest animal I think I’ve ever seen. It looks like a sort of an animatronic version of a dinosaur that hasn’t quite been invented. It does not look real, unless they’re all animatronic then none of them are real. I don’t know. But there was a big one and a little one; it was the cutest thing I’d ever seen and endlessly fascinating. The coolest animal now, declared by me.
289 Daniel Sloss I was hanging around with the oompa loompas. How have I never done oompa loompas for this bit before? From Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. They’re great guys. If you die, they sing a little song about you. They’re a lot of fun.
290 Jo Caulfield I was hanging around with all the people on Twitter making the Rishi Sunak joke about Eat Out to Help Out. And all of them were doing the same joke. It was brilliant. And all of the people who do that…
291 Bettany Hughes I was talking to the cleaners on the London Underground the other day; the ones who cleaned off all of Banksy’s graffiti. They knew what they were doing. They did it for me. They knew that he’d knicked my idea for the Bristol statue. Someone else has knicked his idea and done it and it’s my idea anyway. Anyway, the cleaners call it…
292 Bilal Zafar I was hanging out with a mobile blacksmith the other day. I genuinely saw a guy who was running a smithy; like, a blacksmith thing, from the back of a van. He had a portable furnace and he was making horseshoes at this farm. I’ve never seen anything as amazing. Genuinely the coolest thing I have ever seen.
293 Sophie Duker I was hanging out at the Smugglers Adventure in Hastings. Its like a network of caves that go underneath Hastings that pretend smugglers used to inhabit, but there’s no evidence of that whatsoever, but it’s a way of making a living. The Hairy Jack there – He’s a man who appears in the videos. He’s a sort of ghost smuggler figure who looks very much like the actor Kevin Eldon. I reckon it recorded in about 1999. Anyway, the ghost told me…
294 Sindhu Vee I was fighting the sea devils this week. They’re not the best-known of the Doctor Who monsters, but that’s what they look like there *shows photograph*. How cool is this? How cool is this? And they made a big impression on me, these sea monsters for some reason, when I was four. Especially the bit where Jo, the companion was climbing through a lighthouse window and you saw her bum. I think that’s why the sea devils spoke to the four year-old me.
295 Maria Konnikova I was hanging around with Lemony Snicket the other day. He’s real and everything he says happened, happened.
296 Michael Fenton Stevens I was hanging around at Legoland the other day and a man dressed as Unikitty – *RH shows picure on his screen* that’s Unikitty if you don’t know who he is – posing for socially-distanced photographs with small children.
297 Michael Ian Black I was hanging around with the proud boys the other day. Not the racist ones; just a load of six year-olds whose mums had just said they’d done a really good job tidying up their bedrooms and they were very happy. And they were all sporting stubby erections as well. So they were proud in two ways, and still more grown-up than the other Proud Boys.
298 Stevie Martin I was talking to Emmanuelle Charpentier and Jennifer Doudna the other day. They’re the winners of the Nobel Prize for Chemistry for inventing genetics. I mean, it sounds like they’re evil madwomen to me, but they look nice, don’t they? They’re trying to change all your DNA to make it better in some way. I wasn’t talking to Sir Roger Penrose though. He won the Nobel Prize for Physics for drawing a big cock on a blackboard. *Shows an image of Penrose.* Look at that. If you’re giving out the Nobel Prize for Physics for drawing cocks on a blackboard you owe me about 325,317 Nobel Prizes. He hasn’t even done a good job. The balls – if that’s meant to be a vagina with a penis going – the balls are wrapped. They’ve kind of got caught in the labia. And that is not right. You shouldn’t be putting your balls in there anyway, Sir Roger Penrose. If they give you Nobel Prizes for that I think that’s disgusting.
299 John Kearns I was talking to Marcus Rashford, MBE; Joe Wicks, MBE; Mr. Motivator, MBE – Mr. Fucking Motivator’s got an MBE for keeping spirits going during lockdown and I haven’t.
300 Richard Herring (interviewed by John Robins) N/A
301 Ed Gamble I was hanging around with Kim Kardashian and her closest inner circle on a private island, pretending things were normal for a brief moment in time.
302 Nell Scovell I was hanging out with the 50,000 people who voted for Kanye West today and they didn’t know what the fuck was going on or what anything was called, to be fair. They didn’t know up from down. But one bloke I spoke to had written in…
303 Arthur Mathews I was getting some hydroseeding at Four Seasons Total Landscaping and the bloke serving me the hydroseeding, which I looked up on the website and is a thing, he says he calls it…
304 Kiell Smith-Bynoe I was hanging around with the greatest radio show of all time. The cast of that – they’re here behind me right now, if you’re watching the video. Just voted for. I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue – or as they call it, ISIHAC. Many of them are dead, but even so they are very, very cool.
305 Alistair Green I was hanging around with Ben Shephard and the contestants on Tipping Point, which I recorded in July 2019, and to be honest I can’t remember who they are now.
306 Marek Larwood I was talking to that green dancing lady from off of the end credits of Star Trek the other day.
307 Rhod Gilbert I was talking to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer – it’s Christmas-themed – yesterday.
308 Lou Conran I was hanging around with my family over Christmas and those – the younger ones who survived…
309 Alexei Sayle I was hanging around with everyone in Tier 4 today. I’m very proud; I’ve been up to Tier 4. I was Tier 3 for a while. I didn’t even know there was a Tier 4 but I’ve been promoted up there to executive class Tier 4. There’s a few other people there with me.
310 Catherine Bohart I was talking to all the sperm in the ejaculation that created me who didn’t make the egg. They were pretty cool about it.
311 Nina Conti I was hanging out with Treguard from Knightmare. There he is; he’s right behind me. Can you see him? Look! He lured me into his dungeon. He said he wanted me to try out his Helmet of Justice. Didn’t turn out how he expected.
312 Dr Sophie Hay I was hanging around with all the living U.S. presidents this week and all of them, with one impeachment or less…
313 Ashley Storrie I was chatting to all the snowmen at the North Pole from Raymond Briggs’s The Snowman. You know, they can fly, they can ride motorcycles. Unlike the snowman I made with my daughter in the garden this week, they’re not full of cat shit, as far as I’m aware, in Raymond Briggs’s one. Its not very realistic. And their heads don’t fall apart when you put a carrot in them either.
314 Danny Robins I was hanging around in this haunted house that, if you’re watching, you can see. I’m in a haunted house. Ooooooh, spooky. All the ghosts who live in there…
315 Nish Kumar I was hanging around with all these nerds – look at them. They are the people who paid to see this. Skye Brewer is the only one who looks like a normal human being. The rest of them – I’m not even sure about Skye.
316 Lou Sanders I was hanging around with Jacki Weaver the other day and she does not have the authority to call it…
317 Iszi Lawrence I was talking to the people who marketed Pepsi in the 1970’s.
318 Alice Fraser I was hanging around with the Wiggles – I made it very Australia-themed today – who are the – You know, the Wiggles. I don’t have to explain it to you who they are.
319 Mary Lynn Rajskub I was hanging around all the players in the Self-Playing Snooker Federation on Monday.
320 Jeremy Paxman I was hanging out with the incredible staff at the Leicester Hospital in Stevenage. I never knew I’d be so grateful to people who would semi-castrate me, but I really am.
321 Brian Regan I was hanging out with old Jeremy Paxman the other week. Packalackadackdack. Packahontas. Packman, they call him. The Packman.
322 John Oliver I was hanging around with all the AstraZeneca vaccinees, who I am one of now. Its fantastic. We hate those Pfizer guys. We hate them! And they’re spreading all this news that we get blood clots – and we don’t get blood clots from AstraZeneca. It’s the best. After this is all over there will be a war between A-Z and Pfizer. And may the best team win. It is us. They all call it…
323 Dominik Diamond I was talking to Sir Patrick Moore the other day. He’s doing alright. He was on his xylophone.
324 Andi Osho I was hanging around with the crew of the Evergreen container ship on the Suez Canal this week. I bet them they couldn’t go all the way up the canal sideways. They took the bet on. They were great lads. I don’t know how they got on.
325 Pippa Evans I was reading a Guardian piece about the Jeremy Paxman episode that I did. And it only took them five weeks after the original transmission to get the story; that’s how cool the Guardian journalists are. They called it […] in that article.
326 Anneka Rice I was hanging around with Bernhard, Hereditary Prince of Baden; Prince Donatus of Hessel and Philipp, Prince of Hohenlohe-Langenburg at Philip’s funeral. We were the guys at the back. We were the last in the guest list.
327 Catie Wilkins I was talking with Carrie Symonds. I was sitting on her £10,000 sofa that matched the curtain and wallpaper. It was a bit gaudy, I thought. It had no arms either. Apparently that costs extra; they couldn’t afford it. And she says the people at John Lewis call it…
328 Mae Martin I was talking to Jeff Upton from New Zealand, whose been going around – I’m not cock-obsessed and ball-obsessed – but he’s been going around drawing (I am both of those things) penises and balls on holes in the road in order to encourage the New Zeland government to mend the potholes. They’ve tried to arrest him, I think for his diligent work, but he’s my hero.
329 Felicity Ward I was hanging out with Neil from the Young Ones the other day.
330 Jackie Weaver I was talking to the bloke from the Guardian who says that Shrek is a bad film, and he says people who call it […] are idiots, apparently.
331 Nigel Planer I was talking to Jeff Quigley down at Maunder’s on Barrows Road. I genuinely was. I went for a run around the reservoir, bumped into the man who I went inter-railing with in 1987. And he looks a lot older now, but I think I look the same. And it feels though like only yesterday. We hitchhiked around Europe together and that was insane. We were babies. We were so naïve. Anyway, he calls it…
332 Geoff Norcott I was talking to the audience of champions who’ve straight out of the gate, they’re not scared of Covid. They’ve come to see this show.
333 Sarah Kendall I was talking to BTS this week. I call them BTS. You know who I mean – the K-pop, K-pop band. I don’t need to tell you. I love K-pop; I love K-popping around. Listening to all the K-pop. My favourite is SuperM – that’s what I call them – SuperM. They put the “U” in “sperm,” those guys. I think they might be called “Super” “M,” but, you know, if you were cool you’d find that joke funny. There are some kids at home, “That was a funny joke, when he called them SuperM. They put the “U” in “sperm.”
334 Jessie Cave I was talking to the man and lady from the Mastermind game box. Not the game with the pegs in it. I feel I might have used them before.
335 Johnny Vegas I was at Hogwarts School and I was talking to all the kids from Hufflepuff.
336 John Robins I was hanging out with Logan Paul and Floyd Mayweather the other day. This was topical at the time of recording. And after twenty minutes of staring at each other intensely and lightly kissing, one of them broke off finally. They call it…
337 David Baddiel I was talking to the inventor of Quatro the other day: Ian Quatro. He invented – come on, kids – the Quatro! You must remember the Quatro soft drink from 1982 to 1989. It was pineapple, orange, passionfruit, and grapefruit. Those were the four constituents; came together to make Quatro. I was also talking to Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton, who created the famous TV ad campaign for the Quatro. You all remember that.
338 Isy Suttie I was looking at my Magic Eye picture the other day. I’ve been looking at it for about 30 years; been unable to see what it was. But this time I saw it. It was saying…
339 No Such Thing As A Fish I was hanging around with the Muppet Babies the other day. And how come they were all at school together at the same age? You didn’t get the impression that they were all in nursery school together. Do you remember The Muppet Babies? I think they should do a “Babies” version of every TV show. I think that would be good. Chernobyl Babies – that would be good. It’s what we need. The Muppet Babies call it…
340 Robin Askwith I was talking to Baddiel and Skinner and the Lightning Seeds. Remember that song from the 1990’s? They all got together in the 1990’s, remember it?
341 James Acaster & Ed Gamble I was talking to Timmy Lea from the Confessions films. His bum was in some foam. There was a duck under someone.
342 Jay Rayner I was hanging out at the North Norfolk Wizard Maze today. For people at home, that is a real thing. Sounds like I’ve made that up. And some 13 year-old boys with flick knives, right in the middle […] And then they took all my sandwiches.
343 Matthew Holness I was doing snowtubing at Norfolk Snowsports Club in Trowse Newton today and all the eight-year olds… And then I went to the Norfolk Watersports Club. It was different than I expected. Very lively membership.
344 Stevie Martin & Tessa Coates I was hanging out with Sir Michael Palin 18 months ago. It was the best day of my life. And then I got punished. I got punished for having the best day of my life. And so did all of you, but you’ve still got two testicles, most of you. You’ve still got as many testicles as you started with. Most of you. And thank God every day, by the way, that Sir Michael Palin did not Covid. And I didn’t kill Sir Michael Palin. Anyway, he calls it…
345 Barry Cryer I was talking to Rahul Estobal the other day.
346 Bob Mortimer I was talking to Tony, Mark, and David, Anna, and Su-Yin from off of The Lost Islands. I’m very keen to try and re-popularize this. It’s my Peter Kay moment.
347 The Parapod I was talking to Echosmith and they said that they wished that they could call it…
348 David Mitchell I was talking to Barnaby the Bear the other day. Who remembers Barnaby the… Oh wow, more than I thought actually. *Sings theme tune.*
349 Tim Key I was hanging out with Christopher Lillicrap. You all remember Christopher Lillicrap? More people than I expected again. I only remember him because he had a funny name. He looked a bit like David Essex. He did quite a lot of kids’ shows. Christopher Lillicrap did a lot of kids’ shows around the 1970’s, 1980’s. Still going. Just looked him up. He’s having a nice time. He lives on a Greek sland, somewhere.
350 Louise Wener I was hanging around with all the people currently queuing to buy petrol.
351 Adam and Joe I was talking to that man who sent a TikTok video back from 2027, where he’s the only surviving human being. But still, what is most impressive to me, is that he’s managed to send videos through time. I’m still more interested in how he’s done that than the fact that he’s the only human being left alive. Anyway, he calls it […] and so did everyone else in the future before they died.
352 Katherine Ryan I was talking to Stretch Armstrong. It’s so fucking hard to come up with these. That is the laziest one I’ve ever done. Remember Stretch Armstrong?
353 Shaparak Khorsandi I was talking to Steve Austin the other day. Not the wrestler. Not the wrestler. The Six Million Dollar Man. And he was with Steve Austin, the wrestler. And Steve Austin calls it […]. I’m not going to tell you which one.
354 Dave Gorman I was talking to timkey the other day. That’s a little cartoon character: timkey. Eastern European.
355 Phil Wang I was playing with my kids’ L.O.L. dolls today. That’s pretty cool, right? I call them Lol dolls and that annoys my kids. They’re Lol dolls!
356 Ben Shephard I was talking to Robert De Niro from Meet the Fockers the other day. He calls it *RH does Robert De Niro impression*.
357 Deborah Meaden I was talking to, um, number 456 from off of the Squid Games the other day.
358 Emma Dabiri I was hanging around with Darius from Popstars. He’s not even from The X-Factor; he’s from Popstars.
359 Miriam Margolyes I was talking to Psy from off of Gangnam Style. He does a dance and then he calls it…
360 Margaret Cabourn-Smith I was talking to the Omicron variant, actually.
361 Chris Lynam I was hanging out with Hannah Montana the other day. She’s pretty cool.
362 Peter Baynham I was talking to the insurrection of January the 6th, 2021 the other day. And Jake Angeli, the QAnon Shaman, as he’s sometimes known, he calls it…
363 Laura Lexx I was hanging around with the Ebola virus the other day. It’s a bit pissed off that it’s been overshadowed in the news lately by this newcomer. It’s planning a comeback, everyone, so watch out for it.
364 Laura Jean Marsh I was talking to Ian Wordle the other day. And the bloke – that is practically his name; the man who invented Wordle, the hit word game on the Internet.
365 Gráinne Maguire I was talking to all of Boris Johnson’s children. It’s the biggest audience I’ve ever had.
366 David Cross I was talking to Duncan Hughes and his crew, who have just completed the Telescope Atlantic Challenge. They came third place. They had a copy of – They rowed across the Atlantic, they had a copy of my book – Emergency Questions – and kept each other amused by asking themselves emergency questions as they travelled. If they hadn’t wasted that time, they might have come first.
367 Ahir Shah I was talking to the 1921 Committee the other day. They were formed one year before the 1922 Committee. It’s only one bloke in the 1921 Committee, but he still thinks it’s worth adhering to something that happened 100 years ago.
368 Mark Watson I was talking to Michael Fabricunt this week and he says he calls it whatever Boris Johnson tells him to call it. So he refuses to call it…
369 Jon Culshaw I was hanging around with the people who pulled down the statue of Colston the other day.
370 Joz Norris I was hanging around in Loughborough the other day. I don’t know if you’ve been there. It’s an amazing tourist attraction that shows you what it was like to live in the 1970’s. Everything’s exactly the same as it would be if you went to the 1970’s. Incredible interactive experience. I do recommend it. They call it…
371 Rebecca Wheatley I was down at the Abbey Pumping Station the other day. It really wasn’t what I was hoping for, I have to say. I was hoping it would be a lot of monks farting; that’s what I was hoping. But it wasn’t that. It was just a load of old water stuff in there. And the people there call it…
372 Paul Chuckle I was talking to Ukrainian comedian Vladimir Zelensky from off of Paddington II and Ukrainian Strictly Come Dancing and that routine where he plays a piano with his penis. Not sure what he’s been up to recently but he calls it…
373 Dr Janina Ramirez I was talking to Paul Chuckle from off the Chuckle Brothers the other day.
374 Charley Boorman I was talking to Angela Rippon from off of Masterteam yesterday. Who remembers Masterteam? Aw, she was great on that. No one remembers Masterteam. It was on between 1985 and 1987. I used to eat my tea watching it with Mum and it was through a period where my mum was making a lot of soups and stews and that’s what think of. I can’t remember anything about the quiz, but Angela Rippon. Anyway, I saw her yesterday and she’s doing well. She calls it…
375 Terry Christian I was talking to Jon Tickle from Big Brother 4. Remember Jon Tickle? Talking to Science from Big Brother 6. I think we’ve done him before but I can’t resist. I was talking to Spiral from Big Brother 7. Remember that? Do you remember Spiral? That doesn’t sound real. It was on the page.
376 Maria Bamford N/A
377 Jamie Demetriou I was hanging around with Huffty from The Word this week. Remember Huffty? Do you remember The Word?
378 Samira Ahmed I was hanging around with the ghost of Captain Tom the other day. He said he’d answer one question about the afterlife. I asked him if ghosts have bum holes. He said he wasn’t going to answer. He wasn’t allowed to say. But he says he calls it…
379 Armando Iannucci I was talking to Johnny 5 from Short Circuit. He said it wouldn’t be cheating, by the way. He said I shouldn’t feel bad about it. What happened is fine, between the two of us. I was also talking to Ben Jabituya, from Short Circuit as well. He was there too. What was he up to? I didn’t talk to him. You know that character – Fisher what-his-face? Anyway, Johnny 5 calls it…
380 Rosie Holt I was talking to Kingsley, the Partick Thistle mascot designed by David Shrigley, which – Remember it looks like the offspring of Bert, from Bert and Ernie, and the sun from the Teletubbies? And you know, it looks quite angry because, you know, that’s not right is it? You can’t have sex with a baby sun.
381 Deborah Frances-White I was hanging out with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I just said that West Philadelphia wasn’t as good as East Philadelphia. He slapped me.
382 Ardal O’Hanlon I was talking to Hoss from Bonanza. Thought I’d put something for the old guy. Remember that? Remember Bonanza, Dave? Thought I’d do something for the older people. Remember Hoss from Bonanza?
383 Lazy Susan I was talking to an Walkman the other day. He invented the Walkman. Got a lot of money for the Walkman. He’s wired for sound.
384 Amy Gledhill I was talking to the Easter Bunny the other day. He popped round to deliver some Easter eggs. I was very upset; I didn’t really understand the backstory. It’s an ill-defined mythical character. Anyway, he calls it – or she calls it – I don’t know. I didn’t look between its legs.
385 Dara Ó Briain I was talking to Mr. Cadbury’s parrot. It’s Easter. Remember Mr. Cadbury’s parrot?
386 Alan Davies I was talking to Adrian Chiles the other day. I was around at his house, just weeing. We were weeing up a storm.
387 Dick and Dom I was talking to the fans of Twitch of Fun before the show. Oh dear; it’s not a pleasant sight.
388 Bilal Zafar I was talking to Dick and Dom the other day. They don’t know anything about this podcast. Then I was talking to Sam and Mark and they call it…
389 Seann Walsh I was talking to Snagglepuss the other day.
390 Kunt and the Gang I was talking to the Sinclair C5 Owners Club the other day. Remember the Sinclair C5? I mean, you’re much too young to remember it. It was alright, actually, and ahead of its time. If you laughed at that, you’re a fool.
391 Meryl O’Rourke I was talking to Daffy, Jinx, Mr. Blue Nips, Flurg, Spunk Guzzler, Tony G, Simon Harris, Dorothy Perkins, and Kenko; better known as the Blazin’ Squad.
392 Daliso Chaponda I was talking to the people who come to see a podcast at 11:00pm at the Deer Shed Festival.
393 Harriet Dyer I was talking to the English Lionesses the other day. Everyone in Scotland cheer! Oh, there’s some support. There are a lot of English people in Edinburgh, let’s face it. They’re barely Scottish here in Edinburgh.
394 Kiri and Rachel I was talking to the Amazing Bubble Man the other day. Fantastic act, by the way. If you’ve got kids, take them.
395 Conrad Koch I was hanging out with the cool kids in the Fringe Club in 1987 last night.
396 Vir Das I was talking to the Cat in the Hat just now at the Pleasance.
397 Janey Godley I was talking to the Lewis chessmen.
398 Flo & Joan I was talking to the owner of the Tempting Tattie the other day.
399 John Robins I was talking to the FBI and, according to documents in Trump’s safe, he was trying to stop everyone calling it…
400 Janeane Garofalo I was talking to the people who used to come here when it was Richard Herring’s Edinburgh Fringe Podcast and they still call if RHEFP. Though other people call it…
401 Ed Gamble I was hanging around with the cast of Shrek: The Musical today. They put a Shrek in it. They’re the only ones that put a Shrek in it and thus the most successful show at the Edinburgh Fringe.
402 Tim Key I was hanging out with the Gruffalo just now and the mouse and everything. There’s a rat. What else was there? A giant that takes his clothes off.
403 Sanjeev Kohli I was talking to Sidekick Simon yesterday.
404 Omid Djalili I was talking to the fantastic crew here at the Ball Room Assembly Rooms, especially Reece, Jabs, Ruby, Joe, Tazzy, and Efa. Who sound like they’re members of Blazin’ Squad. They could be members of Blazin’ Squad.
405 Doug Stanhope N/A
406 Reece Shearsmith I was talking to Nicholas Witchell the other day – the correspondent. He’s very good at his job. He told me that he imagined that in the privacy of their own homes the Royal Family call it…
407 Eleanor Morton I was talking to Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie the other day.
408 Pierre Novellie I was talking to Rednex the other day. Remember the band Rednex? Remember them? Cotton Eye Joe? Pig in a Poke? Uncle John Up a Tree?
409 Sally Phillips I was talking to 100,000 Paddingtons today, piling up on 100,000 rotting marmalade sandwiches.
410 Bob Mortimer I was talking to Squirtle and Bublarsaur from Pokémon. My kids have started getting into Pokémon.
411 The Socially Distant Sports Bar Podcast I was talking to Blue, the raptor from Jurassic World.
412 Sara Pascoe I was talking to the people from the Heaven’s Gate cult. Remember those, remember those guys from 1997? They thought that they were going to get onboard a comet as a spacecraft and go to another galaxy. That did happen apparently. They were in another galaxy. They got out just in time and they call it…
413 Chris McCausland I was talking to William Makepeace Thackeray, who wrote the terrible book Vanity Fair. […] And also Colley Cibber, the pompous poet laureate of the time. And Henry Fielding, who wrote Tom Jones. And Henry Fielding calls it… Because he’s the only cool one of those 18th-century authors.
414 Ria Lina I was talking to Dave and Sheila from Goblins Wine Bar that closed down. It was on Bedford Hill. Closed down twenty years ago. They’re probably both dead now. They were fantastic though.
415 Joe Lycett I was talking to Moe from The Simpsons last week. He said, “How did you get this number? When I get my hands on you…”
416 James Acaster I was talking to David Beckham the other day and he said that the Qatar government has said he’s not allowed to say anything at all, but that Victoria calls it…
417 Anneka Rice I was talking to a bloke in a McLaren Orange sportscar who tried to… This was on the drive up. I wanted to talk about it today. I’d never seen a McLaren sportscar actually on the road before. It was actually quite exciting. It’s a very expensive car. I pulled up along side him, and then he got ahead of me and was sort of weaving between the traffic. And then I saw him get into an argument in front of him and he tried to drive him off the road. And was trying to have a fight with him and the driver carried on, so he just called him “a wanker” out the window. After another van driver called me a bastard after her cut me up as well. I’ve been cut up a lot. Anyway, both of those people call it…
418 Victoria Coren Mitchell I was talking to Dave the sound man from off of Challenge Anneka. He’s a proper sound man; he’s good. He’s good at doing it.
419 Philippa Perry I was talking to the anti-growth coalition, which is everyone in the world. Every single person in the world, apart from one person.
420 Humphrey Ker I was talking to Jeremy Cunt today, who lives his whole life in mortal fear of someone accidentally calling Jeremy Hunt.
421 Mathew Baynton & Jim Howick I was talking to Kel, from Kenan and Kel the other day. It’s going well. He’s actually become religious. I don’t know if you knew that. I just thought I’d look him up to check he was still alive. Because not everyone from the opening [unclear] of Kenan and Kel is still alive.
422 Sarah Keyworth I was chatting with the nerds on Masterdom, who understands how it works and aren’t overwhelmed by its unuser friendliness.
423 Rich Hall I was talking to Tony the Tiger from off of the Frosties advert the other day. He calls it RRRRR…
424 Sikisa I was talking to a flash mob the other day. Remember flash mobs? They said they all called it… and then the did quite an annoying dance.
425 Paul Chowdhry I was talking to Peter Poles the other day. You know Peter Poles. He’s the host of The X-Factor in Slovenia. We all know who he is.
426 Sophie Ellis-Bextor I was talking to my Tamagotchi the other day.
427 Stephen Merchant I was talking to the original Paul McCartney the other day – the one who died in the car crash in 1966. Not the rubbish replacement who wrote Get Back in three minutes. The prick. The real, the real Paul McCartney would have taken his time over that and made it good.
428 Fern Brady I was talking to Christopher Walken the other day about Walken in Bristol. *Sings:* Walken in Bristol. Isn’t it? It would be better if it was Memphis but, you know… Can’t have everything. He calls is WIB. And he calls this…
429 Josh Widdicombe I was talking to the Millennium Bug the other day. Remember him? Twenty-three years old he is now. Still going well.
430 Tim Key I was talking to timkey the monkey backstage.
431 Zoe Lyons I was talking to Adam and Joe the other day. Do you remember them, from the nineties? They were good, weren’t they?
432 Joe Cornish I was hanging around with Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks the other day. This has really split the audience, bet ween those over fifty… Mick McManus was there as well. David, remember him? Kendo Nagasaki, he was there.
433 John Kearns I was hanging around at the Wistow Maze. The maize maze. And there was an old lady in the garden centre there…
434 Nish Kumar I was talking to Simon de Montfort the other day. You know who I was talking about. He was the Lord of Leicester in 1231. He gave the city a grant to expel all the Jewish population. The kind of guy he is. And now loads of places in Leicester are named after him. That’s weird, isn’t it? York doesn’t have any history like that. Don’t look that up though.
435 Eshaan Akbar I was talking to Zoonie the Lazoon and Steve Zodiac from Fireball XL5 the other day – a TV series from 1962, five years before I was born.
436 Al Murray I was hanging around with the Why Don’t You? gang from Bristol. The Bristol Why Don’t You? gang. Like, I knew that would… There’s people with white hair who don’t know what I’m talking about. Remember the Why Don’t You? gang?
437 Kiell Smith-Bynoe I was hanging around with the twins from Funhouse. Remember them? Fucking hell; they’re quite old. The also – I looked them up – *receives assistance from the audience* Melanie and Martina. Well done. Some remember them a bit too well.
438 Catherine Bohart I was talking to Wheatus; the band Wheatus. Remember the band Wheatus?
439 Mark Gatiss I was hanging around with Inch High, Private Eye. Scraping the bottom of the barrel there. There’s people my age who will have no idea what that is. I don’t know why I’m even looking at you. Remember Inch High, Private Eye?
440 Jordan Gray I was hanging out with the Crash Test Dummies. The band, the Crash Test… Remember them? They call it Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm… They call it…
441 Suggs I was talking to Sam and Cat the other day. Remember Sam & Cat? I’ve gone the other way. It’s too recent for you. That’s the… It’s Ariana Grande and Jenette McCurdy, who are both very famous now. My kids watch it. It’s terrible. It’s not terrible; it’s good.
442 Rhys James I was hanging around with Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox from off of CHiPs: Chicago Highway Police. Remember that show, mate?
443 Janet Ellis I was hanging out with Roy Donk and Paul Bufano and Marcus “The Worm” Hicks from The Colgate Comedy Hour.