RHLSTP! (RHLSTP!)

A reference resource for Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast

Please Welcome a Man

Episode Guest Please Welcome a Man
1 Tim Minchin He’s the king of Edinburgh, now he’s the new mayor of London.
2 Jonathan Ross His dad eats lip balm.
3 Francesca Martinez Who claims that he can suck his own penis.
4 Charlie Higson Who’s had a shit against a wall 50 yards from his front door.
5 Charlie Brooker The creator of the Elderly James Bond Chronicles.
6 Nick Frost Who’s just done a big fart and is aware that Nick Frost is going to have to stand around in it for five minutes and he’s hoping that he’s not going to waft it through the curtain with him.
7 David Baddiel Who doesn’t believe it’s possible to put human morality into penguins.
8 Stewart Lee He’s backstage now, shooting a rod of semen into his own mouth.
9 Graham Linehan & Armando Iannucci Who has been wanked off by the hand of a hundred-year-old ventriloquist dummy.
10 Rob Delaney N/A
11 Steve Pemberton & Reece Shearsmith Jim fixed it for him to have his own interview show.
12 Peter Serafinowicz Right, you plebs. It’s time you know your place.
13 David Mitchell He’s had lunch with Alice Cooper; he had too many drinks and he’s probably going to fall asleep.
14 Dave Gorman He’s been selected to present this by a blindfolded boy picking a ball out of a bowl.
15 Adam Buxton He’s just cleaned his penis with a willy brush.
16 Russell Howard What? She’s pregnant? God, I knew I should have used a condom.
17 Chris Addison N/A
18 Stephen Fry Who if he becomes Dr. Who will tell everyone what his name is straight away.
19 Mary Beard A man who can makes stars open up even better than Piers Morgan.
20 John Lloyd He may be quite old but he can still do it two times in a night.
21 Russell Brand Who’s had ten orgasms in a single night and, unlike cheating Russell Brand, didn’t have anyone to help him.
22 Edgar Wright He can’t play Subbuteo but knows how to chat!
23 Mark Thomas Who’s gonna sing a Queen song then do a shit on stage.
24 Isy Suttie Who the other day his wee smelled of asparagus even though he hadn’t eaten asparagus.
25 Sean Hughes Who according to this Ouija board is going to have sex two more times before he dies.
26 Shappi Khorsandi Who’s been making crystal meth in a pumpkin with a very special ingredient.
27 Rufus Hound Who’s just been sucking on a tit full of talc.
28 Miranda Hart Who would run 3.1 miles but who will not run 3.1 miles more.
29 Miles Jupp Who if you heckle him, or even if you don’t, he’ll hit you with an electrified tennis racket.
30 Dara Ó Briain Who’s just eaten a whole large pack of giant chocolate buttons all on his own.
31 Ross Noble Who can’t be relied upon to help you if you collapse on an airplane.
32 Simon Pegg Whose finger is this very moment travelling in time.
33 Stephen Merchant Who just completed the pilot script of Square Pegg in a Round Hole.
34 Adam Buxton Who’s never had a fifth series of anything before but he’s now his own commissioning editor.
35 Jenny Eclair Who when he’s orgasming when having sex with a fan, shouts “Moon on a stick!”
36 Helen & Olly Who has just had his towel nicked at the swimming pool.
37 Robert Llewellyn Whose penis is currently travelling in time and is inside Joan of Arc. Man she’s hot.
38 Alexei Sayle With an infected finger.
39 Greg Davies Who’d like to say “Very sorry” to Colin Baker.
40 Danny Baker Who knows when International Men’s Day is.
41 Josie Long Who is now saying more words than he has done in the last hour and fifteen minutes.
42 Harry Shearer Announced by Harry Shearer: “Mr. Richard Herring!”
43 Susan Calman Who’s just putting the finishing touches to his Holocaust comedy film.
44 Jon Ronson Who wants to be stroked by Goldie the Dog as he dies.
45 Nick Helm Trying out his new Frank Sidebottom tribute act.
Machynlleth Special Mike Wozniak Who has been farting all the way in his car driving here for the last six hours and there is a smell in his car.
46 Katherine Ryan *In robot voice.* This is robot voice.
47 Mark Gatiss Who is happy to send a picture of his erect penis to every single viewer and listener to this podcast. Just tweet me and ask for it and I will send it to you.
48 Brendon Burns Who currently has chafed nipples.
49 James Acaster Who isn’t even the go-to guy when they’re looking for someone with his face.
50 Steve Coogan Who yesterday ran 13.1 miles and is slightly stiff.
51 Sara Pascoe It’s been over a week since he did that half marathon, yet he’s still stiff! I don’t understand what’s happening!
52 Sarah Millican They thought he was shooting dust but one got through.
53 Rebecca Front Who was eating a Cornetto that he has technically paid for.
54 Josh Widdicome Who has a new notebook.
55 Andy Zaltzman Who is the pick ‘n’ mix Robin Hood.
56 Richard Osman Who’s part of the 200 club on Pointless – why didn’t I say Joe Daltry‽
57 Michael Legge Who has just eaten a Stinger Chew Bar. It was as bad as he remembered.
58 Milton Jones Who says find another place ’cause you can’t play here, spreading all your nits about.
59 Victoria Coren Mitchell Who’s just been Googling “child’s writing desk”.
60 Sue Perkins Who this week recorded an episode of Pointless and did better than he did the first time he was in Pointless. It would have been hard for him to do worse.
61 Ben Goldacre Who secretly has a Christmas cake hidden on the set.
62 Paul Putner & Trevor Lock The host of Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcast. It is Richard Herring!
63 Stewart Lee Well, this is a very, very special podcast because Richard Herring is in it. Please welcome him it’s Richard Herring!
RHLSTPBATSSII Sofie Hagen Who isn’t entirely sure where he is.
64 Bob Mortimer Who’s just walked up 197 steps at the Covent Garden tube. It’s more than you think it’s gonna be.
65 Lou Sanders Who hasn’t eaten asparagus but who’s wee just smelled of asparagus, genuinely, and he’s a bit freaked out.
66 Emma Kennedy There has definitely not been an embarrassing hiatus just then as Richard Herring got his paper.
67 Romesh Ranganathan Who’s been drinking a delicious Yazoo backstage and Vince Clarke is furious about it.
68 Robert Webb This is the first time you have seen him tonight.
69 Louis Theroux Who loves the movie mistake Robert Webb […]; it’s his favourite show.
70 Roisin Conaty Who this week genuinely nearly choked to death.
71 Johnny Vegas Who has just been on eBay buying as many Amstrader emailer phones as he can find.
72 Mark Watson Don’t be scared.
73 Robin Ince Who plans to build a dry stone wall during this show.
74 Rob Delaney & Sharon Horgan Who’s very prepared for this. So prepared for this podcast that the audience is in awe and excited about it.
75 Jessica Hynes Who has done nothing that his mother was not expecting.
76 Bridget Christie Who turned 48 yesterday, and drank more than a 48 year-old man should, as you will discover when you see him trying to speak.
77 Brett Goldstein Who has just noticed that his chair has a massive piss or shit stain on it that is not his own.
78 Paul Sinha Who has just been sick in the back of his throat as he was doing a wee.
79 Al Murray Who doesn’t know what letter Luton Town begins and ends with.
80 Limmy It’s nearly the last one of the series.
81 Joe Lycett It’s the last one in the series!
82 Stuart Goldsmith Who is very disturbed about certain people who are trying to stop robot sex from happening and that has become a big news story, I think, as a result of this podcast.
83 Diane Morgan Who’s never had his marmite-y penis licked by a cat.
84 Lee Mack Whose wife has been vomiting all night long, he hasn’t had any sleep, and is quite worried he’s picked up whatever bug she had, so may vomit on you during the show tonight.
85 Janey Godley Who’s going to beg you for permission to cum.
86 Robert Popper *Robert Popper’s prank phone call to the Leicester Square Theatre plays.* Who’s apparently quite like marmite according to the people trying to sell the fucking tickets.
87 Luisa Omielan Who’s worried he’s eaten a lot of weevils by mistake.
88 John Finnemore Who might vomit during this podcast. Genuinely might, so keep – if you’re listening on audio, go to the video to watch this. Could be worth it.
89 Sarah Kendall Who might be wearing a pyjama top. I can’t quite work it out.
90 Eddie Izzard Who’s still wearing his pyjamas from last week. What’s wrong with him?
91 Phill Jupitus Who this weekend was an answer on Pointless. Yeah, that’s right.
92 Jack Whitehall Who can cure or cause cancer with his finger, so you better be a good audience; every other one of you.
93 John Robins He’s like a caterpillar who’s changed into a butterfly in front of your eyes.
94 David Mitchell *RH is accidentally seen through the curtain.* You’ll never guess who’s coming on now.
95 Hal Cruttenden He didn’t want you to look at him but now he wants you to look at him!
96 Scroobius Pip Who helped compile the 1990 West London phonebook.
97 Aisling Bea Who has just realized that every week Stewart Lee leaves his toothbrush in the dressing room. What a foolish, foolish man he is.
98 Ray Peacock A man is shaking his head, looking at me backstage.
99 Cariad Lloyd Who has just put Stewart Lee’s toothbrush up his urethra.
100 Richard Bacon Who has had two 8 year-old girls at the penis-level of his naked penis. It was alright though.
101 Iain Lee The big question everyone’s asking is this series which Rich will it be? Will it be fat Rich or slightly less fat Rich? He’s a man who spent his Saturday morning kneeling on the floor between Bonnie Langford and a woman off of Towie, pretending to move a small piece of paper around as if it was a human being. I think that happened.
102 Tony Law Who if he developed time travel abilities would only use them to for morally impeccable reasons.
103 Lauren Laverne Who yesterday was at a baby disco. It’s alright, he’s got a baby, it’s allowed.
104 Ben Bailey Smith Who has not had sex with Robert the Robot (not yet).
105 Marcus Brigstocke Who has been described by his own 16 month-old daughter in card-form as “my fantastic dad”.
106 David Cross Who is the lifetime president of the Shipwreck Museum in Charlestown.
107 Vic Reeves Who even thought it happened months ago is still really upset about the whole Euro referendum thing.
108 Susie Dent Who since last week has had sex with a baboon and Vic Reeves was right.
109 Nish Kumar Who is genuinely wondering whether all the events of 2016 are his fault.
110 Matthew Crosby Who’s been waiting a whole week to find out what happened in that Croydon school-based version of Waiting for Godot.
111 Graham Linehan Who is currently wondering how old his dental floss is.
112 Sofie Hagen Where there has been an emergency! Please welcome a man who will carry on the show whatever comatose state you manage to get yourself into.
113 Russell Kane Who tomorrow will spend his day in bed with his wife’s best friend, who will be fellating him. And that is true.
114 Tim Minchin Who has had an indecent proposal from a TV star. He’s going to tell you all about it.
115 Tom Parry Who genuinely passed Lee Ryan from Blue in Shepherd’s Bush just a few minutes ago.
116 Elis James Who is renowned for his professionalism.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Dave Taylor Who is probably the world’s most famous York City supporter, apart from Guy Mowbray.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Mark Addy Who is the next Lord Mayor of York. It can’t be that hard, can it?
Podcast Festival Extra Dan Schreiber Who has just appeared on Pointless Celebrities for the third time.
117 Armando Iannucci Who has a sexually transmitted disease.
118 Hans Teeuwen Who’s still ill. It was a week ago! What’s going on? What’s wrong with this man’s immune system?
119 Dane Baptiste Who just yesterday afternoon was administering CPR outside the MI5 building by Voxer on the Thames and that is true.
120 Caitlin Moran Who has just spent half-an-hour talking to a 125 year-old man, and that is true.
121 Will Smith Who went to school where art was taught by Rick Buckler’s brother though he was never personally taught by Rick Buckler’s brother. It was… Can’t remember the name of the person who taught me now. Shame, isn’t it?
122 Tony Robinson Who is now obsessed with Brian Blessed.
123 Kerry Godliman Who just two days ago had diarrhea and then vomited on his diarrhea and then had diarrhea on his vomit and then vomited on that diarrhea.
124 Chris Addison Who’s realized one thing he can’t say is “opprobrium”.
125 Ed Gamble Who is eating a cheese lollipop right now. Mmm, delicious.
126 Deborah Frances-White Who died on this very spot exactly ten years ago. Have you ever seen a ghost? You will have now!
127 Dawn French Who is a guilty feminist, sort of.
128 Tom Davis Who doesn’t know who the next President of the United States is. You do, don’t you? But he doesn’t!
129 Susan Calman For the first post-president elect Trump podcast. Will you please welcome a man who’s quite upset about that?
130 Jess Thom Who can’t believe he didn’t even try his Scottish accent once in the last podcast.
131 Sarah Millican Who was standing in an unpleasant fart cloud about two hours ago in a tube, which was not his own.
132 Simon Munnery Who is tired of London and tired of life but neither of them will let him go.
133 Lucy Porter Who this morning woke up with a mysterious round mark on his wrist that he cannot explain. He wasn’t even drink last night.
134 Peter Serafinowicz Who has never, in his memory at least, had an altercation with a shepherd.
Wells Comedy Festival Bec Hill A man who hates Wells and doesn’t think it deserves to be a city.
135 Paul Merton Who this week irked a postman.
136 Joe Thomas Who this time has not managed to think of anything to say in that short walk between coming off stage, doing the bit before, and then coming on.
137 Jessica Knappett Who has spent this afternoon clearing up some cat wee.
138 Adam Buxton Who just paid 5p for a Twirl, effectively. Yeah, find out how.
139 Zoe Lyons Who has quite badly cut his finger today and needs a plaster; that’s how bad it was.
140 Andrew Collins Who against the advice of last week’s guest has had half a beer; and I think you will notice the difference.
141 David Baddiel Who for the last two days has fallen asleep at 2:00 in the afternoon, but not today so he might fall asleep during the podcast.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Rahul Kohli / Martin Barrass Who doesn’t know where he is.
142 Brendon Burns & Craig Quartermaine Who has in the last week taken a trip to the Taj Mahal, just for his own purposes.
143 Dan Skinner Who has just handled David Baddiel’s laptop and is wishing he’d washed his hands before he came onto the stage.
144 Katy Brand Who thinks that his car is secretly pining for his previous owner.
145 Julian Clary Who is having a Twirl inserted somewhere right now.
146 Limmy Who is still very much in his forties. Very much so.
147 Arthur Smith Who is willing to talk about the tactics of Monopoly for a lot longer than most other people would think is reasonable.
148 Robert Webb Who has recently irked Michael Portillo.
149 Ed Byrne Who now lives in the countryside and loves the way that that turns his whole life into an action film.
150 Sara Pascoe Who this week briefly considered becoming someone pretending to be a chartered accountant.
151 Ellie Taylor Who hasn’t lived in London for two months and does not approve of your change in sky colour – that was a mistake, London.
152 Armando Iannucci Who has been spending the weekend looking at his son’s red buttocks.
153 Rachel Parris Who has lost three times on Pointless Celebrities and if he goes on again and loses again that has beaten the law of averages. Just one time out of four, he should just win just by chance.
154 John Moloney Who had nearly five hours’ sleep last night and feels that was a lot.
155 Jan Ravens Who saw Duncan from Blue in Crewe this week.
156 Ed Miliband & Geoff Lloyd Who is at this very moment transforming like a caterpillar into a show business butterfly.
157 Greg Jenner Who has already been called the 21st-century Frost/Nixon.
158 Simon Brodkin Who this week was belittled by a scaffolder.
159 Richard Osman Who has just found out that his daughter created the Muppets.
160 Reginald D. Hunter You definitely have not seen at all this week – at all. Or last week, or this week. This is the first time he’s come onto stage.
161 Johann Hari Who is mourning the loss of his toddler, who has just been eaten by Jan Ravens.
162 Katy Wix Who currently has a Drifter in his anal passage and is trying to generate electricity.
163 Paul Chowdhry Who, like a ghoul, has just been down to Oxford Circus to see where the events of last Friday didn’t happen.
164 Dave Gorman Who has just been told “Goodbye” by one of his audience, even though he isn’t even on stage yet. How did that happen?
165 Kathy Burke Whose house is trying to kill him.
166 Adam Kay Who is regretting the fact he didn’t do his Nil By Mouth joke after Kathy Burke talked about Perry giving blowjobs. It would have been brilliant.
167 John Robins & Elis James Who spent a day this week with his underpants the wrong way around.
168 Danielle Ward He’s not my cup of tea.
169 Trev & Simon Who thought he didn’t need a belt today and he was wrong; he does need a belt today.
170 Jess Phillips Who can still smell the fart that either Trevor or Simon did in the dressing room last week.
171 Mackenzie Crook Who is not sure how he is going to get home tonight, as it is cold, apparently, and that is enough to stop trains working.
172 All Killa No Filla Whose nose is still red from last week, but you can’t hear that on the radio, thank goodness.
173 Katherine Ryan Who does not want you to look at him but he saw some people looking at him.
174 Peter Baynham Who has been standing on drawing pins but has through acupuncture cured his headaches.
175 Brian Blessed He’s a little boy and all of his dreams have finally come true.
176 Pippa Evans Who still has Brian Blessed’s voice ringing in his ears.
177 Maria Bamford Who knows what polyorchid means and isn’t afraid to admit it to strangers.
178 Sophie Willan Who is about to perform to a room full of orphans.
179 Desiree Burch Who has just used a Biro in the dressing room, which someone else’s spit came out of and leaked onto the page he was writing with, but whose spit was it? I don’t know.
180 Al Murray Who is removing the clothes pegs from his penis and testicles right now.
181 My Dad Wrote a Porno Who has a fantastic system for finding his way on and off stage.
182 Mark Steel Who is shooting  blue sperm over George the sound man as we speak.
Machynlleth Special Jessica Fostekew / Holly Burn Who last night gave Michael Sheen a sticky handshake.
183 Jonathan Ames Who has discovered a new wall-based mission in life.
184 Alex Horne Who had a noise that he did with his friends at school. It was, *makes high-pitched strangled noise*.
185 Ross Noble Who, despite being a grown-up, spent six hours in a theatre watching a play about a child wizard this week.
Manchester Special Toby Hadoke Who has just eaten his first Indian Scotch egg.
186 Lou Sanders Who doesn’t have a bad word to say about Alec Jones.
Manchester Special Glenn Wool Who’s been here a week waiting for this show. It’s been terrible.
187 Alice Lowe Who just before the show spilled an entire cup of coffee over his desk and his computer and his watch and his phone.
188 Jess Robinson It’s the horny time-traveller himself.
189 Drunk Women Solving Crime Who this week was heckled by a dog.
190 Greg Davies Who’s just been advised to do his belt up backstage.
191 Rose Matafeo Whose breath smells rather too much of garlic, for which I apologize to the people in the front row.
192 Nish Kumar Who’s really looking forward to meeting Michael Sheen.
193 James O’Brien Who doesn’t know who broke his front gate this morning. He just doesn’t know who it was.
194 Amanda Abbington Who is still drunk from last week’s show. How did that happen?
195 Joe Lycett Who today on Twitter has tweeted a picture of him holding a gigantic stone and looking delighted.
196 Fingers on Buzzers Who is still drunk on last week’s one beer.
197 Rick Edwards Who is back on the telly! He’s been on the telly!
198 Sanjeev Bhaskar Who, even thought he’s playing for time, has nothing to say.
199 Terry Hall Who’s got something back here that he wants to show you.
200 Adam Buxton Who’s done this 199 times before.
201 Sathnam Sanghera Who doesn’t understand why he’s in Bilston Town Hall.
Slapstick Festival Special Tim Vine N/A
Slapstick Festival Special Damon Beesley & Joe Thomas N/A
Slapstick Festival Special The Goodies N/A
202 Jon Ronson Who wears his own merchandise when he exercises at the gym.
203 Emily Atack Who has just sold one of his livers for Jesus. He’s not feeling that well, actually.
204 Rob Brydon Who has been taking pictures of a four year-old girl on a toilet. It will be explained.
205 David Morrissey It’s been a week since the last one and Richard Herring has not lost any weight at all.
206 Peter Lord Who saw The Great Rock ‘n’ Roll Swindle in this venue in the early 1980’s.
207 Kerry Howard Who has just signed a billion dollar deal to make his badger-based Aardman show. It’s going really well.
208 James Acaster Who thought his last podcast at the Leicester Square Theatre might be his last one and you’re about to find out why.
209 London Hughes Who has just done a wee with no blood in it.
210 Suzi Ruffell Who now only works Mondays.
211 Joel Dommett Who has committed many crimes, but the police will never catch him.
212 Matt Forde Whose stand-up is much better in the warm-up than it is in the actual podcast.
213 Les Dennis Who has literally just made up this introduction right now. That’s how amazing at ad-lib he is.
214 Matt Lucas Who as we record this has just been spending another whole day on Twitter talking to idiots about International Men’s Day.
215 Rosie Jones Whose second job is testing microphones.
216 Tiff Stevenson Who like last week’s guest has just released his own fragrance.
217 Adrian Chiles Who’s wearing the same jumper he’s wearing in the poster for this tour.
218 Nicholas Parsons Who has become a bit too obsessed with the Wiggles.
219 Do the Right Thing Who, if his career lasts as long as Nicholas Parsons, has at least 44 more years to go. Aw, fucking hell.
Long Division Festival Special Kay Mellor Who hopes that this first podcast is going to go better than the first one did in Leeds.
220 Alice Roberts Who’s just been home and met the girl he fancied when he was ten years-old.
Long Division Festival Special Rob Rouse Who’s spent the last week eating nothing but rhubarb.
221 No Such Thing As A Fish It’s the last show of this run, but has the host lost enough weight in order to wear his suit? Nobody knows in this audience; that’s for sure.
Henley Festival Special Fiona Allen Who has got a massive crowd in here. You won’t believe it when you hear it at home.
Great Yorkshire Fringe Special Rebecca Callard Who is doing this podcast at the New Town Theatre in the Edinburgh Fringe at 1:30pm daily – not Monday – details at richardherring.com
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Laura Lexx / Tony Law Who’s going to be sliding into your downloads with indecent frequency through August, and is very ill and can’t really speak.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Lucy Beaumont / Scummy Mummies Who has now seen four ghosts.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Jena Friedman / Phil Wang Who has just seen his first Edinburgh Fringe Show.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Sophie Duker / Vikki Stone Who’s just had a Pret A Manger lobster roll. Ooh la la. Someone’s Fringe is going well. Or very badly.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Jayde Adams / David O’Doherty Who has just had another opportunity to assassinate another major political figure. Let’s find out if he did it.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Snjólaug Lúðvíksdóttir / John Robins Who is currently regretting having sex before marriage.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Spencer Jones / Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie Who, like everyone in this audience, is rather damp today.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Steph Tisdell / Jen Brister Who thinks there might have been another ghost in his dressing room just now. He’s not sure.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Isma Almas / Tony Slattery Who is suddenly regretting all the things he said about Prince Andrew.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Lauren Pattison / Geoff Norcott Who has finally achieved his lifetime ambition and is now going to stop.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Richard Osman Who’s hoping that his audience didn’t just have a fight with Stewart Lee’s audience. (I hope you did. I hope you won.)
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Rob Auton / Lost Voice Guy Who is doing his 25th Fringe but still doesn’t know where anywhere in Edinburgh is.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Bryony Kimming / Arabella Weir Who is currently on the run from the police.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Sunil Patel / Daliso Chaponda Who is currently living his own personal Groundhog Day.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Fern Brady / Josie Long Who is worried that Al Murray might be the new messiah.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Rich Wilson / Sarah Kendall That can’t believe he’s still at the Edinburgh Fringe. This can’t still be going on.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Sukh Ojla / Tommy Tiernan Who has walked past Judy Murray in the street and shared a dressing room with Barbara Dickson. I can’t believe he hasn’t told you those two facts already.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Susan Murray / Alice Fraser Who is sick to death of disgusting audiophiles.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special George Egg / Cally Beaton Who yesterday backstage met Moira from Molly and Mack and has never been more delighted, even though you don’t know who that is.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Thom Tuck / Tom Rosenthal Who’s made the second-most controversial shaving decision of his life.
Edinburgh Festival Fringe Special Flo & Joan / John Kearns Who’s been up since 4:00am, tidying his house as well. It’s been a nightmare.
222 Angela Barnes Who is wearing his wedding suit and has just remembered why he hasn’t worn this in five years.
223 Stephen Grant Who has a strange sense of déjà vu, which probably means that he is lying in a hospice bed somewhere, if you listened to the last podcast and just imagining this is happening.
224 Mark Charnock & Dominic Brunt Who thinks he might be on magic mushrooms; he’s not sure.
225 Jimmy Cricket He’ll be on fire by the end of this show.
226 Sarah Millican Who doesn’t care of the theatre is on fire, like Jason Manford does, the pussy.
227 Russell Howard Who dresses like this all the time – I don’t know what you’re talking about.
228 Sara Barron Who does not send his children to public school because they’re not old enough yet.
RHLSTPGF Deborah Frances-White & Siobhan McSweeney And a woman who are looking forward to a mash-up.
229 Michael Sheen Who’s come back from holiday in Devon for this.
230 Ed Gamble Who’s come back for another week from his holiday. His wife’s gonna be furious with him.
231 Bobby Mair Who is deeply regretting his winter choice in deciding to wear a big jumper during all of these shows.
232 Caroline Quentin We’re back again for another week. And you can tell it’s a different week because the man presenting it isn’t wearing the same clothes.
233 Shaun Williamson Who wishes he was in Houdini’s Magic Bar, because that’s where the cool kids go.
234 Vic Reeves Who’s happy to wait 20 years to find out what his face would look like when he’s 70.
235 Max & Ivan Who first exchanged corn in this building in 1995. I genuinely did with Stewart Lee; it was a hilarious joke we did.
236 Grayson Perry Who couldn’t believe, like most of you, that Pret wasn’t even open today. What’s going on?
237 Annabel Giles Who has allegedly been filmed satisfying himself.
238 Ian McMillan Who is hoping he will not be heckled by any hardcore knitters today.
239 Simon Evans Who is worried that he might have let down a squirrel.
240 Seann Walsh Who’s wearing the same shirt as last week, but that’s possible, right? Because you could have had it washed. It’s a week. It’s been a week.
241 Jenny Eclair Who can’t believe he’s furious he’s about to perform in front of a room full of bung thieves.
242 Graham Fellows Who was born in Pocklington and thus everyone in this audience is his sworn enemy.
243 Grace Petrie N/A
244 Lucy Beaumont Who this week accidentally drank a real beer.
245 Mark Olver Who the last time he was here he was sitting in a royal box with Syd Little, and that’s true.
246 Jayde Adams Who’s just done a number four on the Bristol stool scale.
247 Tape Face Who, despite what rumours you may have heard, is not having an ice cream party.
248 Nick Frost Who is Richard Herring, version seven.
249 Ahir Shah Who first appeared on this stage in 1988. Before his guest was born, I think. Yep, just had that confirmed.
250 John Kearns Who is sick and tired of dealing with all the rubbish his daughter is bringing home.
251 Francesca Stavrakopoulou Who has come with some corn to exchange. Can’t wait to find out what he’s going to get for it.
252 Mike Wozniak Who has been today terrified by a balloon.
253 Dave Johns Who you haven’t just seen. This is the first time you’ve seen him, remember. Who has just owned Piers Morgan, according to The Poke website.
254 Seymour Mace Whose life has been disrupted by squirrels.
255 Robin Ince Who is always the first with your vagina news.
256 Athena Kugblenu Who’s just been imagining throwing his children down some stairs.
257 David Reed Who just put a bet on and got the right score and everything, but he cashed out too soon, the idiot.
258 Jon Parkin Who’s terrified about being in the most haunted city in Europe.
259 Kate Robbins Who’s tripping off his nuts on no sleep.
260 Frank Cottrell-Boyce Who is hoping to get into a fight tonight, as per usual in Liverpool.
261 George Monbiot Who appeared on this stage in 1989 playing [unclear] in A Month in the Country. People are still talking about it to this day. I’m a person; it still counts.
262 Paul Sinha Who has been wandering around Oxford with la recherche du temps perdu.
263 Tim Minchin Who has been lauded in The Spectator magazine this week.
264 Sara Pascoe Who has been passing on his stone-clearing knowledge to the next generation.
265 Janice Connolly Who has a 6 by 3 snooker table in the back of his car.
266 Bethany Black Who is going to stage dive all through this show.
267 Rachel Parris Who’s so tired he left his Stranger Things notebook at home.
268 Charlie Brooker Who wishes he was still at school.
269 Olga Koch Who is disgusted to return to Cambridge with the most disgusting Travel Lodge in the world in it.
270 Konnie Huq Who now equates illness with drunkenness.
271 Rev. Richard Coles Who has just walked down the scariest High Street he’s ever been on.
272 Steve McNeil Who has just found Jesus, so now it’s his turn to hide.
273 Fern Brady Who is disappointed he didn’t get the interview with Prince Andrew.
274 Limmy We have got – amazingly – exactly the same number of people in the audience as last week. It’s the equal biggest show ever.
275 Michael Palin Who has just retired from his most lucrative job he’s ever done.
276 Aisling Bea Who has Michael Palin’s address and is going to go there to spend Christmas with him because he said it was okay. He said he’d be his dad.
277 Adam Buxton N/A
278 Michael Spicer N/A
279 Mark Watson N/A
280 Bill Burr N/A
281 Robert Webb Who’s been wearing a bum bag on his face.
282 Kiri Pritchard-McLean Who is wearing his swimming trunks still from yesterday. Not pleasant.
283 James Acaster Who thought he was playing the O2.
284 Richard Osman Who’s just seen a bunny rabbit. I was out with my dog.
285 Greg Jenner Who has just had a shower; that’s why his hair looks like it’s been cut. It hasn’t been cut.
286 Lauren Pattison Who has not prepared an introduction to himself ’cause that’s insane; he’s already here.
287 Maisie Adam Who’s been imagining drones in a field.
288 Nathan Caton Who’s just had his tarot cards read.
289 Daniel Sloss Who’s just finished writing his book. (“First draft.” “Shut up!”)
290 Jo Caulfield Who’s back in the big time.
291 Bettany Hughes Who’s, oh, arguing with his wife about eggs.
292 Bilal Zafar Who is nearly finished his book.
293 Sophie Duker Who’s back from holiday.
294 Sindhu Vee Who’s travelling in time and space.
295 Maria Konnikova N/A
296 Michael Fenton Stevens Who’s broken his knobs.
297 Michael Ian Black Who’s just been up and down the stairs and is out of breath.