A reference resource for Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast

Glossary – Bits, Catchphrases, References

A hallmark of any RHLSTP episode is Richard Herring’s use of bits, catchphrases, and references. The below is probably only a partial list. These terms or phrases have been integrated into the categories of this blog, where the category is included when the bit/catchphrase/reference is used during the podcast episode. Below is a glossary to provide context.

Any categories in a blog post not included here are shows or projects undertaken by Richard Herring (for example, Fist of Fun, Scope, Talking Cock, Warming Up, etc.). These were also referenced during any podcast episode where the category is applied.

Bit / Catchphrase / Reference Definition
13 from House RH expresses interest in sleeping with 13 from House (the character, not the actress)
70’s/80’s television RH make reference to his love of television produced during these decades
Adam Sandler RH notes the terrible quality of Sandler’s films (particularly The Cobbler), his interest in interviewing Sandler, or his general obsession with Sandler
Addams Family pinball RH mentions playing this game, either in arcade game-form or on his iPad
advise audience member not to try to join in/be funny Occurs after an audience members makes a moderately-to-not-funny remark
Alan Sugar biography title After Sugar appealed for potential autobiography titles, RH suggests several
Amy Pond from Doctor Who RH expresses interest in sleeping with Amy Pond from Doctor Who (the character, not the actress)
Andrew Collins’s book as ballast RH notes that when shipping merchandise, Chris Evans uses comedian Andrew Collins’s book for stability
Ann Widdicombe RH expresses interest in sleeping with Anne Widdicombe, noting the challenge of it
aphantasia RH notes that he is unable to visualize items or that he cannot hold an image in “his mind’s eye”
arm heroins/nose cocaines/lung cannabis RH makes any of these references when discussing illegal drugs
assassination opportunity RH notes that he could have murdered British politicians Michael Gove (with a broken bottle when he saw Gove walking alone with his children), Nigel Farage (when they were walking alone in the same dark hallway), or John McDonnell (at the 2019 Edinburgh Festival Fringe)
audience being able to leave if they like RH normally states this if there is a lull or if the episode runs particularly long
audience not laughing at brilliant joke RH admonishes the audience for not recognizing his comedic brilliance
audience of nerds RH refers to all of his fans or audience members as “nerds”
average audience member Average RH fan or audience member is referred to as being male, working in IT, and/or having a beard
badge/badger RH refers to badge merchandise; purchasers of badges are called “badgers”
BBC conspiracy of silence/BBC employees being found out/Operation Yewtree RH references police investigation into sexual abuse allegations against British media personalities
Big Bluie/Old Bluie/favourite towel RH mentions his favourite towel, Big Bluie/Old Bluie
bottom as seat of all falsehood During early episodes, RH would put prizes on offer for audience members who correctly responded to true/false statements. To indicate that a statement was true, audience members placed their hands on their heads. To indicate that a statement was false, audience members placed their hands on their bottoms, which RH called “the seat of all falsehood”.
Brian Blessed RH makes references to actor Brian Blessed, such as wishing him as a guest, asking the current guest if they have ever met Blessed, or making reference to the interview with him
celebrity deaths/tragedies prior to podcast publication RH predicts a tragic celebrity death or catastrophic event occurring between the episode recording and the episode being published
Celebrity Mastermind RH mentions his obsession with winning panel show Celebrity Mastermind or his failure to do so
celebrity shag list RH mentions his and/or wife Catherine Wilkins’s list of celebrities they are each allowed to sleep with without penalty
champagne bottle sodomy attempt RH tells story of a sexual partner attempting to sodomize him with an empty champagne bottle
Charley Boorman, Brad Pitt, or Michael J. Fox lookalike RH notes that he looks like any of these people, or tells story about being mistaken for any of them
Cheddar cheese RH notes that Cheddar is the best type of cheese
choking on apricot stone RH references his near-death experience of choking on an apricot stone and the embarrassment he felt
Chris Evans (not that one) RH references Chris Evans of Go Faster Stripe
Civilization RH recounts his extensive time playing this video game
CJ from Eggheads RH notes that professional quizzer CJ de Mooi is the worst Egghead, or references the murder CJ claimed to have possibly committed
cloaca joke RH tells joke with cloaca-related punchline
Colin Baker worst Doctor Who RH notes that Colin Baker was the worst to play the Doctor and/or Baker’s anger at hearing RH’s comments
comedy Googlewhack/nostalgia comedians/Peter Kay RH refers to Peter Kay’s brand of nostalgia comedy. More frequently, refers to his own brand of comedy/goal as making a reference that only one audience member will laugh at.
comparison of audience member potential success with RH’s actual success RH normally points this out when an audience member or Internet troll suggests that RH is not funny or successful in comedy
cool IRA Brighton Bombing statement RH refers to IRA statement after the 1984 Brighton hotel bombing, where they stated that then-Prime Minister Thatcher “will now realise that Britain cannot occupy our country and torture our prisoners and shoot our people in their own streets and get away with it. Today we were unlucky, but remember we only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always”. RH states that this is the coolest statement ever made by a terrorist.
creating Alan Partridge RH claims that he created the character of Alan Partridge, sometimes noting that Stewart Lee was a co-creator
credit card drop RH recounts story of being approached by “a fan” who actually just wanted to return a dropped credit card. RH may also note that this story was stolen and incorporated into an episode of Alan Partridge.
CW being 13 years younger than RH RH mentions that his wife, Catherine Wilkins, is 13 years younger than him
CW dislikes Me 1 vs. Me 2 RH mentions that his wife, Catherine Wilkins, dislikes his podcast Me 1 vs. Me 2, wherein RH plays snooker against himself
CW liking Sawyer from Lost RH mentions that his wife, Catherine Wilkins, includes actor Josh Holloway on her celebrity shag list
CW not finding RH funny RH mentions that his wife, Catherine Wilkins, does not think he is funny
Darth Vader notebook RH mentions his Darth Vader (Star Wars) notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
dating Julia Sawalha RH mentions having dated actor Julia Sawalha
dating Sally Phillips RH mentions having dated actor and comedian Sally Phillips
David “Bad-deal,” as my father calls him RH alludes to his father’s pronunciation of David Baddiel’s last name, or pronounces it that way himself
deadpool – Prince Philip v. Nelson Mandela During their concurrent illnesses, RH states that the first of these men to die will be an indication by God as to whether or not racism is an appropriate world-view
death of Kenneth Kendall During early episodes, RH would put prizes on offer for audience members who correctly responses to true/false statements. One of these statements was often that British broadcaster Kenneth Kendall had died.
Desert Island Dicks RH asks the guest to name eight Richards to take to a desert island. Where this category is selected, the Richards named by the guest are included in the “Notes” section of the episode entry.
diphallia/bifurcation RH mentions the medical condition of having two penises
Dirty Britcom Confessions RH references the blog of this name, where fans anonymously confess fantasies about British comedians. RH may read out confessions that include guests, or even act some of these out with guests (including Greg Davies and Nick Helm).
disinterest in music RH mentions that he is not that interested in music, preferring to listen to comedy
don’t like British/regional porn RH notes this personal porn-related taste
doppelganger/Me 2 RH notes that there is a doppelganger making trouble and blaming RH, sometimes referring to this person as the Me 2 of podcast Me 1 vs. Me 2
double act partner less funny RH tells guest that their double partner is less funny than them, or that he himself was part of a double act where his partner was less funny
double act partner more successful RH tells guest that their double partner is more successful than them, or that he himself was part of a double act where his partner was more successful
double act that gets along RH is astounded that the guest is a member of a double act that has a good relationship
drinking whiskey alone RH mentions deriving great satisfaction from arriving home from a gig late at night and drinking whiskey alone while his family sleeps
editing the podcast RH tells audience or guest that they will edit passages from the podcast, without actually intending to
Elmo’s Song RH references the song from Sesame Street, including the fact that Big Bird was a dick and tried to co-opt what was literally Elmo’s song
emergency question book a future religious text RH imagines the emergency question book as being a central text of some future religion
Emma Watson hands/trapping or distracting pedophiles RH notes that actress Emma Watson is his hand-double, having the exact same sized hands. RH notes that as a useful service he could jerk off pedophiles to deter them from crimes against children.
enjoying recording all moments of RH’s life RH makes this observation
everyone having been birthed/Queen having given birth RH make this observation
fans in Al-Qaeda RH notes that members of terrorist group Al-Qaeda listen to the podcast
father accidentally eating lip balm RH tells story about his father accidentally eating a lip balm wedding favour at his wedding, mistaking it for cheese
father’s Yorkshire Ripper story RH tells story about his father making a speech about his wife, and it being primarily about the serial killer known popularly as the Yorkshire Ripper
Ferrero Rocher RH recounts his dilemma of having to buy his wife, Catherine Wilkins, incrementally more Ferrero Rochers with each passing Valentine’s Day
Final Destination RH references this movie
forgot PH in the car RH recounts time he briefly forgot his daughter, Phoebe Herring, in his car, while he and his wife, Catherine Wilkins, searched for her cell phone
Frankie Boyle blocking RH on Twitter RH notes that this has happened
fucking idiot(s) RH calls his audience members, fans, or baby a fucking idiot(s)
genealogy of Jesus RH wonders why the genealogy of Jesus includes Joseph when God is actually Jesus’s father
George the incompetent sound man Reference to RHLSTP sound man George
getting out of raising teens by dying RH notes that as an older father he’ll avoid extensive parenthood by dying
Goodnight Sweetheart RH notes his obsession with this television show, how the original got it wrong, and how he would like to reimagine it in a programme called Goodnight Goodnight Sweetheart Sweetheart
guest more successful/famous than RH RH makes this observation
heckler with gun RH mentions heckler who was thrown out of an RH gig and RH later discovering he was armed
Henry Higgins RH calls himself a Henry Higgins-figure (the fictional character from Pygmalion/My Fair Lady), often guessing the origin of an audience member based on their accent
Herring’s eye RH’s renaming of the urinary meatus
high-backed armchair/dancing women RH references rumour that his fantasy was to sit in a high-backed armchair while having naked women dance before him
house getting egged RH recounts his house in Shepherd’s Bush being egged by unknown assailants
I said egg/egg-related puns/Pliny as Stewart Lee’s best work RH makes reference to “Histor’s Eye” sketches from This Morning With Richard Not Judy, particularly using the phrase “I said egg”, making egg-related puns, or describing Stewart Lee’s performance as being his best work
Ian RH uses the name “Ian”, either for a fictional character of his own devising, or to replace an historical figure’s name; i.e., “Ian Gunpowder” as a pseudonym for Guy Fawkes
if that is your real name RH makes this comment to every guest that has changed their name legally or uses a stage name
imagining terrible ways one’s child could die RH’s uncontrollable illusions of his children meeting terrible ends
Improvisation, My Dear Mark Watson title RH derides this television programme’s title
infinite Richards RH notes that in a multiverse there are infinite versions of himself, some in which he is on television or is married to the character 13 from House, etc.
insects in theatre RH observes insect problem in the Leicester Square Theatre
Irish accent RH demonstrates his version of an Irish accent
Jimmy Savile RH references television and radio personality’s crimes
Justin Lee Collins/Pukka pad RH references television presenter Justin Lee Collins’s harassment of his former partner
Konnie Huq and the Oxford/Cambridge Celebrity Charity Boat Race RH recounts experience taking part in this charitable event, where British television presenter Huq lost control, causing RH to almost hit someone in the head with his oar
Lannister notebook RH mentions his Lannister (Game of Thrones) notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
libel/if it’s not true, sue me RH makes a potentially libelous statement, but says that if it’s not true the subject of the statement is welcome to indict him
listeners can turn off whenever they want RH makes this observation
Love Actually breakdown RH notes that he dislikes this film, but that once while watching it he started crying and thought that he would never stop
making porridge for CW RH recounts making porridge with berries each morning for wife Catherine Wilkins
male nipple mystery RH notes that men have nipples due to a biological template followed after conception
Marmite RH mentions love of Marmite, his Marmite brand ambassadorship, or likens himself to Marmite
maternal line family tree RH states that family trees should be drawn through the mother’s line, since they are the only certainty in terms of parentage
mid-life crisis/shagging years RH recounts his own mid-life crisis/time of promiscuity
moon on a stick RH uses catchphrase originated in Fist of Fun
motorcycling RH makes reference to his motorcycle clothing sketch
Murphy’s Mom RH makes reference to UK television programme, normally by singing the theme song
Net Worth RH relates the guest’s net worth, which is taken from an unnamed web site. Where this category is selected, the guest’s net worth is included in the “Notes” section of the episode entry.
Nevermind the Buzzcocks title RH derides this television title
Nevermind the Fullstops/Julian Fellowes RH derides this television title or show concept, or tells story of telling show’s host Julian Fellowes to fuck off
new parents not finding violence towards children funny anymore RH observes the hypocrisy of this
no taboo subjects in comedy RH engages in conversation about how comedy should be an environment without boundaries in terms of subject
Nostradamus RH makes reference to his interest in the 16th-century French oracle, or suggests that he himself has Nostradamus-like capabilities
Oscar Pistorius RH alludes to the murder committed by Pistorius or his trial
Patrick Marber hostility RH notes his (and often Stewart Lee’s) tense relationship with Marber
Paul McCartney death conspiracy RH’s favourite conspiracy, noting that this would be an extremely complex scheme to pull off
Peter Baynham’s delight at RH’s grandfather’s death RH makes reference to former roommate stating that he was delighted that RH’s grandfather had died
PH dislikes RH RH states that his daughter Phoebe does not like him, or at least likes him less than she likes her mother, Catherine Wilkins
Pickle Rick notebook RH mentions his Pickle Rick (Rick & Morty) notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
Piggate RH alludes to the unsubstantiated claim that former British prime minister David Cameron put his cock into a dead pig’s mouth
Pointless Celebrities RH mentions his obsession with winning panel show Pointless Celebrities or his failure to do so
postman RH either mentions playing the character of a postman or having irked one in reality
profundity out of stupid/brilliant emergency question Reference to a guest providing a particularly insightful or unexpected response to an emergency question
proper film star RH distinguishes guest as an actually successful film star
pun names to give children RH lists pun names to give to children with his last name (Rufus/Scarlett/Red, for example)
pushing CW into water RH mentions his propensity for pushing wife Catherine Wilkins into bodies of water
pushing through the quiet or hysterical stage RH notes that there is a period during a recording where there is hysteria or a lull, but pushing past this normally produces gold
put a Shrek in it RH notes that shows/movies are better when they feature one Shrek (but no more than one Shrek)
put Tim from The Office in it RH notes that shows/movies are better when they feature Tim from The Office, or his idea of re-shooting all of Martin Freeman’s films and having him play all roles as Tim from The Office
putting moves on Emma Kennedy RH tells story of night he slept in the same bed as Kennedy, attempted to fool around with her, was rebuffed, then pretended to be asleep
question #, for those following along at home After publishing the emergency question books, RH makes this statement with the associated question number when posing the question, much like a minister reading out hymn numbers at a church service, or a game show host encouraging spectators to play along at home
raising a super comedian RH plans to raise a highly skilled comedian, sometimes also stating that this super comedian will out-comedy the children of Stewart Lee or David Mitchell
Rasputin RH makes reference to his interest in the 19/20th-century Russian mystic, particularly his death
request that guest provides future guests RH makes this request of guest
requests money from guest RH makes this request of guest
re-tweeting Alan Sugar tweets RH delights in re-tweeting Sugar’s tweets, particularly the ones where Sugar asks for or provides the score of a football match
RH and Stewart Lee children double act RH imagines his and Stewart Lee’s children teaming up as a double act, perhaps performing Lee and Herring jokes
RH comes up with a joke every two years RH makes this statement, sometimes telling the most recent joke
RH concerned he’s dead, dreaming, or has Alzheimer’s disease RH expresses this concern
RH is tired RH describes himself this way
RHLSTP Show Notes notebook RH mentions his specially-made RHLSTP Show Notes notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
RH’s only fight RH tells story of the only physical fight he ever engaged in
Richard Dawkins on Twitter RH notes that Dawkins is terrible on Twitter, only re-tweeting praise he receives
Rick & Morty notebook The notebook kept by RH during Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2019. The notebook was given to the audience member who attended the most podcast recordings.
Ricky Wilson interview RH references the interview with Ricky Wilson, which took place at the Leed City Varieties but was never released.
Rod Hull RH uses catchphrase originated in Fist of Fun
Scotch RH uses the adjective “Scotch” instead of “Scottish”
Scottish accent RH demonstrates his version of a Scottish accent
sex with robot (Gemma Chan) RH expresses a wish to have sex with a robot, particularly one that looks like Gemma Chan’s character in the TV programme Humans
sexcrement RH uses this term, frequently while speaking about his children
shoe concept art RH describes his idea for a modern art exhibit where a person’s shoes throughout their life are saved and displayed in chronological order at the end of their life
Shreks of Westminster Bridge RH mentions people dressed up as Shreks who frequent Westminster Bridge as a tourist attraction
skipping intro/Youtube viewer indicating interview start time RH notes that in the Youtube comments viewers will provide the time mark when the interview begins
Sliding Doors RH notes his dislike of this film, usually noting A) all movies are Sliding Doors, but only shown from one perspective, B) the unlikelihood of the protagonist having any interest in someone who quotes Monty Python lines, or C) the fact that his children were born in the same hospital where scenes of the film were shot
Slytherin notebook RH mentions his Slytherin (Harry Potter) notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
smashed Edinburgh cupboards RH recounts story of 2002 Edinburgh Festival Fringe, where all of the kitchen cupboards were broken in the apartment shared by RH, Stewart Lee, Chris Addison, and Richard Thomas
someone shit in RH’s yard RH recounts the occasion where an unknown assailant shit in the yard of his Shepherd’s Bush home
spider voice-over RH tells story of writing a script and performing the voice of the spider character, only to have his recording lost and it being redubbed by another actor
Square Pegg in a Round Hole RH idea for a Simon Pegg vehicle
stealing pick ‘n’ mix RH notes his love of stealing pick ‘n’ mix, his hope of being caught, and/or his speculation as to what would happen if he was caught
Stephen Merchant podcast RH alludes to the awkward ending of the RHLSTP episode featuring Stephen Merchant
Stewart Lee masturbating ventriloquist dummy RH recounts story of 1987 Edinburgh Festival Fringe at Johnston Terrace, where Stewart Lee masturbated RH with the hand of a ventriloquist dummy made by RH’s great-grandfather in 1895. Stewart Lee claimed he was trying to cheer up RH, who had been crying at the time.
Stewart Lee needing a fat funny man to tell jokes RH makes this statement
Stewart Lee shrine/Animal Farm porn RH tells story about Stewart Lee being invited to crash at a fan’s house after a gig, only to find that the fan’s roommates were watching the pornographic version of Animal Farm, and there was a room covered in Stewart Lee-related paraphernalia, in the manner of a shrine
Stewart Lee stealing RH’s ideas/jokes RH makes this statement
stone clearing RH mentions removing stones from a local field while walking his dog, often noting that his ultimate goal is to form a wall along his walking path; may also mention the associated podcast, Stone Clearing with Richard Herring
Stranger Things notebook RH mentions his Stranger Things notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
Swansea hotel bedroom toilet RH reminisces about the terrible hotel he was booked into after a gig in Swansea, where the toilet was in the same room as the bed
tallest building in hometown RH asks the guest what is the tallest building in their hometown
terrorist atrocities RH makes suggestion about possible effective or clever terrorist atrocities, including bombs in breast implants or bringing explosives in the form of Berocca tablets
The Actor Kevin Eldon RH uses this phrase
The Truman Show RH notes that he detests this movie
time between shows RH jokes that there is only one episode filmed per week, despite there being two filmed back-to-back each week
Tiny Rick notebook RH mentions his Tiny Rick (Rick and Morty) notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
TMWRNJ never officially cancelled RH notes that it is possible that This Morning With Richard Not Judy may still be renewed since he never received a call regarding its cancellation
Travel Lodge shower curtain RH tells story of finding a bogey on his hotel shower curtain while touring
Trip Advisor RH reads a Trip Advisor review of the place in which the show is taking place, or of a local landmark
trip to Indiana RH recounts a trip to Indiana, USA, with his wife, Catherine Wilkins. May mention either unexpected death of one of Wilkins’s family members, lunch with a supporter of President Donald Trump, or a field of crosses erected in support of the pro-life movement.
Twitch background RH uses a background image on the Twitch stream. Where this category is selected, a description of the image is included in the “Notes” section of the episode entry.
typecast as a disgusting, dirty pervert RH notes the show/film parts he is most often offered/awarded
vaginal warning Inspired by a piece in the Metro news advising women not to insert ice lollies in their vaginas, RH advises women against putting other things in their vaginas
visual joke A humourous visual event occurs, which may not make sense to those listening to audio only
Welsh accent RH demonstrates his version of a Welsh accent
Wikipedia/IMDB research RH references research he’s done on Wikipedia or IMDB, or notes that this is his only form of research
wish to be on telly RH makes this statement
women are brilliant liars RH makes this observation, normally when noting that more women should be invited on the television programme Would I Lie To You?
Wookiee notebook RH mentions his Wookiee (Star Wars) notebook, in which he writes his questions or notes for the podcast interview
yogurt RH mentions his love of yogurt
you should have married me/you all had your chance RH uses this phrase
YouGov Fan RH mentions YouGov website, which creates a profile of a given entertainer’s average fan and their preferences. RH may read out the guest’s average fan’s profile during the interview.
young RH deluded thoughts of grandeur RH notes his youthful egoism, particularly his belief that future time travellers might return to study him
young RH rude to Ted Rogers and Don Estelle RH mentions these encounters, particularly when asking his guest if they’d ever been rude to a celebrity when they were young